THE SEARCH FOR MR. ADEQUATE
Part 51

By Susan Silver

Saturday: I went to the gym and then met my new pal, LL who is lots of fun. She is a widow, likes to do things, and has a “pretend” grandson just like Ben. So we discuss them ad infinitum with each other and pretend not to be bored.

We are using the new year to do things we’ve meant to do and had no one to do it with. First on our list is ballroom dancing lessons. After watching “Dancing with the Stars” and twirling around the bedroom, I really want to brush up on my ‘following’ skills. Having danced ballet and modern all my years in school, and partnering with a door knob watching American Bandstand, I was a great dancer ... on my own! (I actually taught Steve McQueen how to do the twist when I was a movie extra in the summers of college. And almost went out with him a decade later, but never mind.) Somehow I don’t follow well and so LL and I started ballroom lessons.

We had a free orientation lesson at a studio on the West Side and I was surprised that there were a lot of young people, some guys and not just old ladies throwing away their life savings to be whisked around by small hipped instructors wearing tight black shirts and pants. Unfortunately I was assigned to be a “leader” in the practiced couple, not the follower, so I learned nothing.

But we signed up for one series of foxtrot, waltz, ballroom. And then we will progress to this decade’s dances if we survive.

Following, we went to have lunch at the Time Warner Center food court. This is a place to meet guys. I mean it. We met two adorable young ones from New Zealand, but I saw a lot of older men with their lonely grocery carts and since my gym is already on the West Side, I might make this a new hangout.

Sunday: Stan and I went to the theater. A great hoot of a play called “The Little Dog Laughed.” Very show biz, very funny. And then, though it was way too early for Stan, we went for a bit to eat up the street from where I live, at a trendy little over priced Italian place.

Well, there were several divorced fathers with their kids and a lot of very social types from the neighborhood. Yes, I will be hanging around here even if spending $12 for a bowl of soup is obscene.

Monday: Deb is in town so we treated ourselves to another expensive meal at the Four Seasons Restaurant, not Hotel. Even though I hadn’t been for ages, I get a really good table there and it was a hot crowd! Bernard Henri Levi, the sexy French philosopher and author, was two tables down, and many a mover and shaker in the business world and real estate in NY was table hopping. Deb was very impressed at how many of them hopped by to say hi to me. I impressed myself! Though none of them is single. But ... you never know. A couple of guys sitting next to us chatted us up and “hinted” that they ‘come here often.’ Yes that line is still used.

Deb has lost more of her mind. Sad to say, it’s true. And funny for us.
She had gone on yet another cruise and met a “darling waiter” whom she ... (yes, those of you who are Dear Readers will recall our cruise on the Queen Mary, Column 26 ... ) invited to visit her in LA. Why you might wonder? Because he was such a “sweet guy” says Deb. Deb invites primarily those “in the serving trade” to visit her. She’s funny that way.

This time, he showed up but was two hours away in Long Beach and fortunately she had other plans or she was going to drive down to say hi. I swear it. I cannot stop her, folks, I try.

She wanted to get her hair cut by the guy who does mine, but couldn’t make the appointment because the “moon was void.” Yeah.

We got drunk on the complimentary bottle of champagne that they offer a few times a year to induce one to come in. And it worked. And it was good.
We tottered home as it was a beautiful spring day even though it is winter.

Tuesday: I, who don’t care anything about the voidness of the moon, went to Mr. Joey who does my hair color. He is not the cut guy who is Mr. Dominick. Thank God Mr. Joey has decided not to move to Florida as I and others who have followed him faithfully for years would have to stay in the house for the rest of our lives, never allowing anyone else to touch our color.

(I persuaded Mr. Joey to go with me to the MAC party later in the week. They are body painting nude models and I couldn’t think of any guy I’d want to take to that. Mr. Joey will appreciate it and let his boyfriend worry.)
It was sprinkling and I didn’t want to spoil my really fab hair, so I took the bus home and there was a bomb scare. Well, sort of. A woman had been sitting with two suitcases at her feet in the aisle. She got off the bus and left the bags! Several other women and I said, oh oh. One went up to the driver and told him, just as a surly woman who had been sitting across the aisle ... and NOWHERE near the bags reluctantly moved her ass er... got up and took the bags with her to her seat. I asked, “Are those yours?” and she snottily said, “No, I am stealing them.” The other women who were
mouthier than I, which is a rare and wonderful occurrence, let her have it bigtime.

I, who was warned by my ex husband not to mouth off because he was the one who would have to take the punch, have learned my lesson. Albeit lately. The other night an old friend of mine came in and I got into a little contretemps with some obnoxious woman and her boyfriend socked my friend. Well, he really pushed him more than socked him. Security was called. No harm, no foul. But I have learned!! I promise. I hope.

I see some woman in California shot and killed a bunch of people who pissed her off, so I am learning just in time!

Wednesday: In my new plan to get out at least once a day and do something, I don’t have a whole lot of invites, so I try and stagger things.
But today I had something in the day and something in the night to go to. For someone who has spent the last ten years mostly in bed, this is a bit hard to get used to. Don’t laugh at me, Dear Readers. I admire you who have fulltime jobs and still have social lives and get your errands done. It’s a learned skill.

The lunch meeting I had was the monthly UN associated group I belong to. It allows me to tell myself that I am doing something useful in the world. We discussed the success of the first annual Holocaust Remembrance Week.

Then, how’s this for a segue of non usefulness in the world ... at night I went to the party for Sean Jean’s new fragrance. That’s Puff Daddy, or P Diddy or whatever he calls himself these days. I went with Stan, who as you know is now unencumbered by relationship which works out really well for me.

The party started at 9 p.m. which is a bit late for me go out. So I took a nap and then schlepped down to a cool club called Core, which I’d never heard of even though it is in my part of town. I was home in bed by 11, Stan is still there. The fragrance is very nice and kind of fruity/sexy. And I do not mean this in any homosexual way. I just don’t know official terms in which they describe fragrance.

Thursday: I woke up with a hangover from the champagne last night. I told you I don’t go out often! And champagne twice this week yet!

LL and I went downtown to read to foster children. Another thing we are doing this year is some community service. And I’ve told you about The Pajama Program which provides pj’s to foster kids. Well, they also provide reading and other activities and I really have been wanting to do this. Every time I read another horror story about abuse of children, I get enraged and this is a tiny way to become part of the solution. And now they are removing kids immediately from problem families so they are stacked up in the foster system and need helpers, volunteers.

It was a very rewarding experience for us both. There were about twenty little kids from infant age to 6. They were all recently placed in foster care and this was the beginning of their journey through the system. They were all minority children, with bright little eyes and eager for attention.

The five or six I had in my group all wanted to read and play games. We did both and they climbed all over me as we made our way through the picture books. We did Simon Says and we counted and did our alphabet.

The two sisters that LL had were sad and missed their parents. They were very bright and articulate and concentrated on The Little Mermaid’s story.

We are going to do this once a week and I urge anyone out there who has the inclination and time to give your efforts to these precious children. They need us, even for a pleasant hour a day. It just makes me realize how lucky my darling Ben and Nate are.

Fortunately, Mr. Joey had to cancel on me Thursday night, as I had zero energy and am not that interested in seeing nude bodies. Well, let me clarify that ... I am very interested in seeing an individual nude body of a more than Mr. Adequate if and when I get that offer, but to see body paint on strangers doesn’t appeal. But I’m sure it’ll be fun. I also do not like to go below 50th.

And, to really be honest, tonight is Dancing with the Stars and that is my new guilty pleasure.

So to sum up the week ... it’s been fun and busy. No sex, no guys, but interesting and active, for me, and that’s a lot.

Next week I’m off to Palm Beach to visit Lil as Lennie is away on a guys’ trip. So will be back here in two ...

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