THE SEARCH FOR MR. ADEQUATE
Part 53

By Susan Silver

I Yes, the rich are different than you and I…but for one brief shining moment I became just like them. Rich and different! I was in Palm Beach during the storm of ’06, as we shall grow to call it. And I was stranded.

Lil and I drove to the airport just to make sure we couldn’t get out as planned. We were to leave on Sunday and the first opening out was on Wednesday! But fortunately, the night before, I had been at a dinner party and met a very rich and very nice gentleman who offered me a ride home in his plane. I told him I had a friend as well, and he said bring her along.

Thus Lil and I became spoiled little ladies for a morning. It is soooo much easier to travel without going through security, removing your shoes and standing in line. I think from now on I will have to go this way, though Mr. Adequate is not likely to have the plane. Hmmm…that presents a potential problem. And, unfortunately this plane had a Mrs. Owner as well. Sinks of gold, folks, exquisite wood. Sighhhhh.

My trip to Palm Beach or Palham Bitch as I like to call it, was really fun.

Not the social whirl that DPC has of course, but very pleasant. Lennie was away on a guys’ trip to Costa Rica so Lil and I were ‘girling it.’

I had lots of sun which I love, some delicious walks on the beach, a bit of shopping but more looking and sighing. And some very good food. We did Bice, Café Boulud and the Breakers for lunch. I put on a few pounds but I don’t care. It was worth it. And I did run around for a tough hour of tennis which counts for something.

At the dinner party I met only married people, par for the course, but two of them said they would fix me up. We have our fingers crossed. (Although we do have the feeling that one of the husbands might be calling us for himself. We are not interested.)

So, on the Adequacy Scale….PB is the following. Weather: More than Adequate. Food: More than Adequate. Men: The worst. Private Plane: The One!! Which averages out to a “more than adequate” trip.

Potpourii (For those of you who view Jeopardy; a mish mash for those who don’t)

Deb was stranded in New York and fixed up with a guy who was supposed to be “her height.” She is about 5’8.” He was not.

When she read last week’s column about complaining properly and getting rewards, she decided to do the same thing. Now, mind you, I complained because my entire hotel stay in Maui was a disaster, and to Time Warner because I had no service.

Deb complained to American Airlines because First Class stopped the salad cart. I’m not kidding, folks. That’s our Deb.

Next…I have to admit, I was happy to be home because even though I was out and about in PB and having a life, I missed my compulsive TV viewing. I can’t help it.

“ Wife-Swap” is a cultural phenomenon in which two very opposite wives, like racist and black woman, neatnik and slob, religious zealot and infidel…you get the idea, are switched for two weeks. The first week they must live their lives as the other did in all her habits, and the second week, they get to set rules.

I am not kidding you, Dear Readers, this is riveting TV! It is the emotional equivalent of being put through a ringer. It is fascinating to see how people interact, evolve and usually in the end, change. Lots of hugs and kisses and a new lease on their own lives. Sometimes it’s just disaster. Those are the good ones. Catch it just once and you will be hooked. Let me know.

And, ok, now I am admitting to something that I shall never live down. This will take away all the respect I have earned from you, but I cannot tell a lie.
I love to watch…are you ready…”Dog the Bounty Hunter” on A&E. Now A&E is not a shlocky channel, kids. But this show is. And I love it.

Dog and his family live in Hawaii. He is former felon with a long blond mullet and tons of tattoos. Beth, his wife is a woman who makes Dolly Parton look like Twiggy. They have two grown sons with mullets and tattoos from Dog’s first marriage. And two adorable little towheads together.

She is a bail bondsperson. And he is a bounty hunter. They, as a family, go after bad guys. They pray each time in a circle so that they will have no injuries. They strap on their mace and leather and track down mostly druggies, because Dog has vowed to clean up the Island of “ice”…which is crystal meth. I think.

They are heroes in Hawaii and have been given plaques from the city. And they rode on a float in the big parade. I love them. I love the family dynamic. She is a foul mouth pistol and runs the roost. He is a tough motherf----r, with a heart of gold. He starts off hating the crooks and then, always gives them a smoke and a lecture about changing their lives. And the theme song is kickass!

Finally, or at least for this week, I am now again absorbed in American Idol.
Can’t help it. The pathetic bad ones are out…having their fifteen seconds of fame. And now it’s the real competition. Simon is always right, though vicious. And I will vote.

I won’t do the Dick Cheney stuff as it’s a week old, but Lil and I did laugh our heads off. Pre heart attack. And as for Valentine’s Day…don’t ask.
Don’t forget to check out my blog where I touch on other things. Then write me and I can write you back. It’s fun. http://mradequate.blogspot.com