THE SEARCH FOR MR. ADEQUATE
Part 54

By Susan Silver

Remember how I told you I’d decided to choose a word as an aspiration/inspiration for the coming year? (My friend Steve’s book and philosophy “Goal-free Living” advises that a goal can be too limiting, and in my case, paralyzing.  I love having a friend who has his own philosophy.) Anyway, choosing aspirations is less pressure and along with those, you are to choose a word to motivate you and I chose “action.” And as promised, I am taking at least one action a day.

The only problem was I was kind of too tired to make the action more than getting out of bed. But now I have found the answer and it comes from doctors yet! Are you ready?  Ok…it is…a cup of coffee!!! Tada!!

Now most of you knew this and Starbucks obviously knew it, but I for some reason, rarely had had a cup. Don’t know why. Just didn’t do it.  But I read recently that one cup is actually good for you.  I’m not sure in what way, but, I tried it. Well Dear Readers I am almost giddy at the results.  Actually giddiness is one of the results! And a little jitteriness too, if that is a word.  But in a good way. And not only does it get me out of the bed, it then propels me out of the house.  After a quick stop in the bathroom. But that’s too much information, isn’t it?

(Although with newspapers blabbing the embarrassingly intimate info on Governor Pataki’s delayed release after his appendix operation, obviously nothing is sacred.  I’ll spare you the details but if you really want to know, email me for a personal answer.)

I have accomplished a whole lot more in these last two months than in prior ones without caffeine and I’m loving it. Of course, if I drink it after noon I don’t sleep at night, but that’s not happening too often. And don’t suggest decaf because it sort of defeats the purpose.

Currently my favorite flavor is hazelnut, but I’m open to suggestions. And by the way, for the Adequacy Scale…I had an ice coffee in Palm Beach that was The One!  The guy behind the counter told me it was the best in the world and I agree. Unfortunately I don’t remember what the name of the place is but it’s in one of the little offshoots on Worth Ave.  And cheaper than the $6 cup at the Breakers and a hell of a lot better.

The reason I am telling you this is one of my Dear Readers who is now writing me on my blog (http://mradequate.blogspot.com), has been on my case for being too lazy to find a mate.  He is getting a little hostile actually, telling me to get my butt out of bed and go biking in the park. In the morning.

Well, Dear “M”…and you know who you are….I can’t quite do that but I am getting out of the house in the afternoon. I promise.  And as for going up to guys and presenting them with my card and flirting…I’d do it if I saw anyone that turned me on. So far, no.  But I will keep you posted.  Now, get off my back! Just kidding…I love that you care.

Actually my new girlfriend LL (who is the widow and very active) is a good influence.  We are going to fun things, such as our ballroom dancing which will be starting soon, and the Travel Show at Javits Center this weekend.   And I went to an opera with another new friend, but sorry, I still don’t like it.  I have now tried three different operas and I’m afraid it’s not my cup of tea. I just want them to stop singing so loudly and interrupting the beautiful music. Sorry, opera buffs. But I do love ballet and classical concerts. So, if you have tickets to either…well you know where to reach me.

This new friend is a very interesting and cultured woman who is also into new age stuff.  She does yoga and meditation and picked up on something that others have told me in the past.  My chakras need centering. Or something. Maybe they need a tune-up and lube, but you get the point.

Anyway, she is going to give me some method to “clear myself” and it has to do with hot baths and mantras and I am looking forward to it as I have been over stimulated my entire life!! And not just in a sexual way.  As you loyal Dear Readers know I am very sensitive to noise and stuff around me which irritate me and get me into fights. (Column 52) Seriously, I think it will be a great, calm, focused way of life. As long as she doesn’t’ make me stop drinking the coffee!!  Can you say ‘paradoxical’?  Maybe that should be my mantra. But I’m getting ahead of myself here methinks.

Kinky

Now that gets your attention, doesn’t it? Well, Lizzie, who we know is a trifle nutty and that’s why we love her, called me…all excited.  She knows who I could marry.  Who would that be, asked I, knowing it would be bizarre and no one on this earth I’d be interested in.

“Kinky Friedman,” says Lizzie. She had just read the article about this Texas country singer who is running for Governor.  She knows I love politics, he is Jewish (having played with a group called the Texas Jewboys, which only offends me a tad) and is single.

I must say the thought did cross my mind too but I quickly purged it. Yes, I would like to be the First Lady of a State, but not Texas and not with him. Now if Jon Corzine breaks up with his latest girlfriend, I would be available and interested.  Ok, all you New Jersey Dear Readers, get on it!  

Stan, bless his heart, is back dating the one girl we all hated.  She knew he’d be vulnerable, having just broken up with someone who was very close to being “The One.”  We, being all his friends, might have to do an intervention.  I do not want my godchild to be the spawn of Satan or whatever the female equivalent of the Devil is. Oh yeah, Linda Blair.    

Deb confessed she is seeing Mr. Magic again, but ‘only as a friend.’ Well, duh…since he is gay, has a brain injury and now a broken leg.  This is one accident prone dude.  He fell from a loft he was sleeping in. The mind boggles.

I have to admit I am happy that the now skeletal Lisa Rinna was voted off “Dancing with the Stars.”  Even though Jerry Rice is not as good a dancer, he is such a sweetie and she was getting on my and everyone’s nerves with her enthusiasm ie. hysteria.  And as she lost weight, her lips grew into even more disproportion with the size of her head.  Besides, she is married to Harry Hamlin, so she has enough good stuff in her life already!  To those of you who don’t know what the hell I’m referring to…never mind.

No Thank You

Did anyone else see the little coupon in Sunday’s paper for Quiznos Sub? Under the slogan “mmm…toasty.” I gather it’s a fast food chain, but I’ve never been to it.  I’m partial to McDonald’s if I’m going that way.  Anyway, they have a new item…a “toasted gourmet bread bowl” with and I quote “Premium meats topped with Hearty Soups and Melted Cheddar Cheese.” 

I wonder if that’s anything like “mystery meat” in high school cafeterias.

There is a color photo of this thing which looks like something that just landed from Mars or grew from a spore only to be seen under a microscope. I’ll pass. 

And now I’m just getting silly…it’s late at night on a day when I drank the coffee too late. Next week I’ll report on our trip to the Travel Show. But seriously, Gov Corzine…call me.