THE SEARCH FOR MR. ADEQUATE
Part 56

By Susan Silver

Zero. Okay? That was the result of my Washington D.C. conference if you look at it as a dating market.  But Dear Readers, fortunately it was a lot more.  And, if I must be honest, I was hit on by a guy whose card read “Hi from Hy.”  Point made.

However, I had a fabulous time because as I tell you all the time, when I am involved with something interesting, I forget about looking for Mr. A. Although it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to run across a few potentials. And I did ... albeit married and/or too old or short. What else is new?

For example, I wound up sitting at one dinner next to Ed Ames. He is very tall. You probably remember him as one of the singing brothers, but more likely as the guy on Johnny Carson with the loose ax that headed towards private parts. Anyway, I didn’t know him before but he is very smart and interesting, though married and we had a perfectly lovely and businesslike evening.  No, Mrs. Ames, he did not make a move. And that was appreciated.

There were some very attractive Senators, a few of whom were fairly flirtatious which is just fine with me even though they are married. Nothing further was going to take place and I at least know that my new white silk kimono top was working. Ok, ok, it probably was the cleavage but so?

There were pols from both parties but I retained my integrity and did not shake hands with the ones whose views I abhor ... even if they were cute and flirty. So there! Take that! And you know who you are.  I will refrain from naming them. Send me a small check and I will return a personal note with the information. (Editor’s note:  She is just kidding. We think.)

One of the surprises for me was the involvement of so many college kids. And I found out that I have excess nurturing fluid oozing out if you’ll excuse the image.

Every time I saw a kid without a coat I told them to go back and get one.  Some of them were flirting with each other and I made sure that they exchanged numbers. And one darling guy had about three dollars left and so I gave him some money just in case. Though he didn’t want to take it. And then he said, “you’re just like my mom.” And I was so happy!

I really want kids or now, more realistically, grandkids maybe even more than I do a mate! These kids were so bright and earnest and fresh.  And they laughed at my jokes as we stood in line before going through the severe security.  When the Vice-President comes to speak, you must never bring small bottles of expensive perfume because they WILL BE CONFISCATED. Who knew?  But afterwards I actually tipped over two garbage cans and retrieved mine. Those cops could have been a little nicer and held on to it for me, or at least tipped the cans. What did they think we’d do ... spray him to death?  Thank god I didn’t wear orange or I might have been the one wounded! (Hunting joke.)

I took off one morning and walked around the city having forgotten how beautiful it really is.  I was headed for culture but, alright, I skipped going to the National Gallery because I passed a department store.  I never saw shoes like these except maybe at Neiman’s ... and they were so cheap I had to buy three pair. Now, ladies ... are you ready for this ... three pair for $185.00. No, not each. Total!! And I am telling you they are drop dead gorgeous. Two wedges which we know will be out by next year, so why spend a fortune, and one pair of f---me ankle strap for evening that out-Manolo Manolo for hot. 

I met two of my divorced girlfriends who are looking, and we had lunch at Charlie Palmer’s, a place near the Hill. I told them I didn’t care what kind of food, just wanted the clientele to be male and they were. And the food was really good too. Saw a few pundits, also married, thank god some guys wear wedding rings.  It saves so much time.

I took the train which is very nice. A lot more relaxing than flying these days except of course for the cell phones.  I glared at some people which did not intimidate them at all. Well actually it intimidated some of the men, but not the women. The bitches.  But I finally moved to a quiet seat. There was a quiet car actually set aside for no cells, but since I’d paid for Business, I went Business.  Again, no one cute on the train, but a very pleasant ride.

To sum things up without being political ... that is, I will be even handed:

Senator George Allen is very tall.

Senator Barbara Mikulsky is very short.  I mean really short. Her aide carries a stool to her speaking engagements, I’m told.

Senator Barack Obama is a rock star.

Newt Gingrich is a very good speaker.

A lot of balding Senators/Congressman look alike. Mistakes are made by people wanting to talk to them, thinking they are someone else. They try to

be gracious. They are pissed.

It still is really stupid to be shaking hands with one constituent and looking around the room for someone more important while talking to a third. And you, two, who do that and are known for it, know who you are.

Everyone should take a trip to D.C. when they are young. It’s important to see where government is done ... even when it’s done badly.

Charlie Palmer’s has awesome crabcakes. The appetizer size is big enough, don’t order a double as entrée. You will feel really stuffed.

Now, for those of you Dear Readers who keep writing me advice, please continue. But do not feel the need to tell me that I should “just go on with my life” and “not looking is when you find it” and things like that. I KNOW THAT, KIDS. I AM ONLY WRITING ABOUT THE GUY THING BECAUSE THAT IS THE NAME OF THE COLUMN. GOT IT?

Now, if I should find Mr. Adequate, or More than Adequate as I now have decided I want to upgrade to, I will have to think of another column to keep in touch. But, don’t worry ... I will.