THE SEARCH FOR MR. ADEQUATE
Part 56

By Susan Silver

The only problem with the above is ... it wasn’t me!! One of my girlfriends who is a tad younger told me that she had answered an ad on the JDate site and lo and behold she found Mr. Perhaps The One!! At least “More Than Adequate.”

The only problem with him is he lives in Los Angeles, but he’s already flown her out there for a weekend and so far so good. And yes, the little tramp did sleep with him. I thought she’d say “guest room” ... but who am I to argue with success. (She calls herself a “slut” so don’t write me nasty letters.)

And he is in my age range. But too short for me or else I’d be really pissed I didn’t see him first. Of course my membership expired a year ago and though I keep getting notices of guys who are “hot listing me” … I haven’t re-upped to find out who they are. The few months I’d been on the site proved really disappointing. There was only one guy I met and though the evening was great, the fact that he didn’t have cab fare home disqualified him. Sorry I am that shallow. (Column 6.)

So I am very happy for my friend and have asked her to use her number to check out the guys who are “hot listing me” and report in if there is anyone worth paying for. I won’t hold my breath. P.S. She couldn’t pull up my file.

“Ketchup”

Since it’s been two weeks, let’s catch up on everyone shall we?

Stan (who used to be our best male friend) told me about a great guy he knew who had been separated from his wife. He and I had a lot in common and I would really like him. So I said, “what about fixing me up?”

“Oh, they got back together,” said Stan. “I thought I had fixed you up with him…oh no, it was _______.”

________ is someone I cannot stand. I want to kill him. This is where boys are different from girls. Girls pay attention to things like this. I will force myself to get over it but we are pissed. That’s you and me, Dear Readers, right?

Deb was here for a week and we went to dinner at Café Bouloud. It was like being at the UN. Loud foreigners and though the food was good I was disappointed in the ambience. But since we were not drinking and the loud foreigners were, thus spending big time, I couldn’t complain. Just won’t be going back there. Mr. Magic now has something wrong with his eye and no health insurance.

Lizzie is totally going insane...er. She has workmen in the apartment next to hers and they have drilled through her wall and gotten thick dust over everything. (Remember she is someone who makes you take off your shoes before you can walk in.) She is home with cleaning materials and wearing a mask every day. It really is awful, but she has not had a breath of fresh air in weeks and I’m trying to tell her that standing there is not going to help matters, but she is so compulsive she is catching each speck of dust before it hits the ground. 

Mr. Joey, my hairdresser/shrink, is a genius. My hair cutter guy was away for a month, so even though Mr. Joey just does color, he cut my hair as a favor. And I have never had so many compliments in my life! I went to a party where five people asked me if I had recently had plastic surgery. I said no, just cut my hair and the consensus was about 10 years difference. And an elderly lady without her glasses on did tell me I looked like Charlize Theron. I will take it even from Stevie Wonder. Now I have to figure out what to tell the cutter guy when he returns.

The Precious Boys, Ben and Nate, went to Disneyworld for the first time last weekend, at ages 5 and 2 respectively. Natie was scared by Mickey Mouse even though he had been prepared by knowing that “Mickey is only wearing a costume” which he told me seven times before they went. To a little guy those big ears are scary, I guess. But they had a ball. I only wish I had been with them to see those little faces in joy.

Though my adventures are nothing like DPC and JH (those lucky bastards in Paris, and London ... what a trip!) I have been very busy myself. Lots of theater, a few lunches and dinners with out of town friends, and a charity concert.  Spending too much money but having lots of fun. And yes, I have been looking out for a potential Mr. A. So far ... zero. Except for the above mentioned guy who just went back with his wife. I finally met him and liked him and he liked me which is difficult to show with the wife standing right there. But he did. Oh well.

The coffee is propelling me out every day and I am walking up a storm and lost a few pounds. Another benefit which I hadn’t known about I guess. One cannot sit still! I may have to cut down to ½ cup so I don’t go totally berserk. But it’s really improved my energy and I am involved with lots of projects, charities, work and play and there is absolutely no time to read the newspaper! Or clean my room which now looks like a tornado has hit it.

Clothes are strewn, papers are piled, shoes and bags are everywhere.

I need a wife to pick up for me like I used to do for my Ex. He was a really great guy but was known as The Pile in college. I am now The Piless. And the housekeeper doesn’t come until next week. Oh oh.

TV Guide      

Okay, I cannot go on without commenting on the return of ‘The Sopranos.’ I have missed it terribly and even though Tony is fatter than ever, he is still major hot. What is it? (Jimmy, you are divorced now, call me.) I loved the first two episodes and the NY critic who said it is not working is so wrong!!

The second episode in which Tony was in a coma and we saw the life in his mind was amazing, I thought. And Carmela’s (Edie Falco’s) pain at his situation was devastating and truthful as any performance I’ve seen.

As a former TV writer, I can only be envious of the complexity and quality which David Chase has achieved because it is one man’s vision. TV or anything else by committee does not work. Examples: the mediocre movies we see these days. Studio execs…butt out! TV Network guys: you too!

Like ‘Six Feet Under’ which was my favorite ‘can’t miss show,’ and I do miss it, this is brilliant creative work on all accounts.

Same can’t be said for the Tom Hanks produced show on polygamy which follows it on HBO. It is kind of a surprise that Mr. Clean and Nice guy Hanks is involved in this topic, but the show can’t make up its mind what it is…a comedy, an expose, a drama or a soap. And not in the successful way that Desperate Housewives pulls off that task. I’ve given it two times and that’s it for me.

But somehow I think sharing one husband has to be the wave of the future because the numbers are so out of whack for single women. Hmmm ... I wonder if that newly reconciled wife spoken of above would like to share. I doubt it.