THE SEARCH FOR MR. ADEQUATE
Part 60

By Susan Silver

Let’s get physical

So here’s what happened. The past year I have been hauling my tush out of bed every Saturday to go to a very cool exercise place. Not a gym, really, it’s more of a philosophy. It’s called Serious Strength and it’s on the Westside which means a schlep ... and I do so by bus across town. But it is worth it.

I used to go twice a week to one of the run of the mill gyms that dot the city.

And I was disciplined, but I never really loved it ... too noisy, too smelly. Now I do! Heck, I look forward to it. If I could afford it, I’d go twice a week, but believe it or not ... once does it. That’s what makes it so cool!

The premise is the “slow burn” and I have checked it out with my cousin the rehab Doctor who absolutely buys it. You push yourself to muscle failure and then move on to the next machine. It is closely supervised and you try to accomplish one minute on each and if you do, the next week they increase the weight. After one half hour you are a piece of spaghetti, but high as a kite. And the proof is in the way I look now ... she bragged. It works.

(My friend, Margo Howard, columnist on Yahoo and 200 papers, envious sigh, came in from Boston last week. After lunch at Michael’s, as we said goodbye, her cab driver said I “had a very nice figure” ... and he was 28!

Margo, who I used to love as she is the most supportive friend in the world, felt compelled to tell him I was older than I looked ... but I still love her. It was a momentary lapse I’m sure. And he clearly wasn’t my type.)

Back to Serious Strength, there are never more than two people there working out and you have a personal trainer to put you in the contraptions...er, machines. And therein lies the rub. I had never liked the idea of that, but I found Eugene. I love him. He is extremely calm, while tough, and speaks in a soft hypnotic voice which puts me into a trance while I sweat it out, thus not feeling the pain. Although one time I could swear I started quacking like a duck, but he denies suggesting it.

I had developed this little routine where I would go on a Saturday morning and then meet a friend for lunch or go to the movies and have a wonderful day. Then it happened. Eugene switched from Saturday to weekdays. Now I know this sounds innocuous to you all, but to me it was devastating. Just as I am attached to Mr. Joey, the hairdresser/shrink, and have followed him to five places in fifteen years, I am attached to my Saturday date with Gene. I can so call it a date!

But now I have to go during the week for him and it is a real adjustment. Plus I have nothing to get me out on Saturday. So far I have tried Monday, Thursday and Friday and am not getting into a rhythm. This week I’ll do Wednesday and let you know. However, I am still addicted ... particularly to the results. As it is now warm ... the bod must be in shape for the seasonal more revealing wardrobe. The cabbies are counting on it.

And the bonus is a massage chair! This is the best thing ever. I would love one at home but there is no room except for the bedroom and that would spoil the “atmosphere.” Of course since no one else has been through the place for over a year, I may as well just get the damn chair. But hope springs eternal.

Summertime ... and the living is ...

And speaking of Spring, what the Hell happened to it? Oh yeah ... that pesky Global Warming again. This week I did the changing of the closets. This is the biannual ritual, for those of us with no closet space. I know most of you Dear Readers probably don’t have that problem. Yes, I covet closets. I confess it. And diamonds, but that is for another column.

Actually I enjoy the changing of closets, as it gives me a great sense of accomplishment and new beginnings and I also weed out things for charity and thus get room for new purchases.

However, this year I see that I have very little shopping to do as I am ahead of the game. Let me explain. Those Dear Readers who have been with me for a while know that I have a few minor talents. Not particularly earth shattering ones, not even meaningful ones, but mine own.

One is star spotting, another is standing in a room at exactly the correct place for the star to cross my path. A third is summoning up anyone I really want to/need to see which is not, I repeat not, akin to stalking. And then there is my packing. You know that I never take too much or too little. Finally, I don’t think I’ve told you this before but I am a fabulous shopper. Maybe I have as I took Deb shopping when we tried to change her wardrobe to girlier stuff. This is a challenge as somehow, though a devout Republican, she shares Hillary’s sense of style. But I am up to it.

I come by this talent from my late Mother who was a Personal Shopper in her youth. And until she got too ill to go out and was shopping by catalogue and could really do that well, something I have yet to master, she would occasionally buy things for me and send them. And they would fit. I also have taken some of her coats which are still stunning and always get me compliments as well as bring me closer to her memory as I wear them.
And lastly, I spot trends, before they happen, though I do not read fashion mags.

Guys ... skip ahead, it’s ok.

Consequently, this year I have almost nothing to get for the season as I did the metallic bags and wedge shoes ... two years ago actually, not to brag, and the white lacy skirts and tops last year. I did not do the Southwest thing because everyone was doing it and it’s gone already. To my friend in Santa Barbara, I told you easy on the turquoise, didn’t I? I do the animal prints always because they are sexy and this year they are trendy again so I am set. Chunky jewelry is something I prefer as I am tall and don’t like little bitty stuff. So I am in good shape and will probably just pick up one or two things for fun.

Oh yeah, I forgot ... this will really wow some of you! I was so prescient that I have the crisp white peddle pusher shorts and cropped jackets still with price tags on. And tip for the future ... the wedge shoes with little heels are next. I got a dynamite leopard pair with gold tipped heel in Maui over Xmas. Trust me, they are hot!!! I can’t wait to wear them. In fact, if truth be told, I have been wearing them around the house just to turn myself on for months.

Guys ... it’s safe to come back. In fact, you might want to go up four sentences.

The past few weeks I have been meeting my idols. First Maureen Dowd as I told you, and now Erica Jong. She was having lunch with DPC, as he wrote about. I had to introduce myself, as Fear of Flying was probably the most seminal book of my earlier days and a signal to me that I really wanted to be a writer. (By the way, the word “seminal’s” first Dictionary definition is about semen, so this was really an apropos choice of words ... if the words ‘zipless fuck’ mean anything to you.)

After I had achieved some success in TV, I was actually “taking meetings” about writing the screenplay for the book. Unfortunately, the Producer was a little preoccupied with drugs, I gather, and it never came to pass. But I got to tell Erica and so now I’m sure we’ve bonded. No no ... I will not be stalking her. I am reading her new book Seducing the Demon which is about being a writer and brilliant. She is guttier than I or anyone, excluding Al Goldstein, when it comes to revealing sex details but she still sets the standard.

Now if I could just meet Julie Christie I will have completed the idol trifecta.
But don’t worry, someday, somehow, I will sense a place to see her and stand in the exact right area so that we can meet. Why the hell doesn’t this work for Mr. Adequate?

Happy Holidays to everyone.

P.S. On the TV Guide Beat ... this week’s American Idol proved why Freddie Mercury/Queen was The One!! Wow ... those songs were complex and hard to sing, though my favorite, Elliot, did a good job. Thus I voted ... seven times. It’s allowed. And thank god I did as he was in the bottom three but survived ... probably by seven votes!

Following Idol, a show I’d never seen before came on. It’s called House and it was gripping, amazing. A medical mystery but with terrific character explorations. Witty writing, such swift pacing that my heart started beating faster, and marvelous acting. The lead actor, Hugh Laurie playing a curmudgeonly genius doctor, won the Emmy for best drama performance I believe ... if not he should have. Tune in, on Tuesday to Fox, you won’t be disappointed. Let me know if you are a fan of the show or become one.
P.P.S. Don’t forget to write me at the Blog as well as here. I look forward to the “hits” I get on it. That is Internet talk, I think. Makes me feel popular. http://mradequate.blogspot.com/

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