THE SEARCH FOR MR. ADEQUATE
Part XXIII
By SUSAN SILVER

It was cherry blossom time in Washington and I hadn’t been for a few years. I’d forgotten what a really beautiful city we have as our Nation’s capitol. Glorious weather too. Now if we could just do something about those politicians!

The real reason for my trip was a Middle East Forum and Dinner given by the Aspen Institute and I am a real fan of the Aspen experience, having gone there for the last five summers. Very smart people talking about interesting issues and the weekly in-depth seminars are like adult camp with great bonding. But no bunkbeds. Though there are subtle color-wars. Come to think of it ... not so subtle.

I’ve met some terrific people each time and this was my chance to see a few of them and look for potential Mr. Powerfuls as D.C. is a town where Adequate just doesn’t cut it. As I’m a political junkie, I’ve dated a few ... politicians, not junkies.

I stayed with a neat couple I’d met last summer and how great was the wife? Well, she allowed the husband to be my escort to the event as she didn’t want to attend. They have a solid marriage and a fabulous home filled with fun contemporary art. There is a cow on the roof. I did say fun, didn’t I? They are involved with a lot of interesting and stimulating projects and charities; have beautiful kids who will soon give beautiful looking grandkids (note to kids: hurry up, she is getting impatient); she has a full time housekeeper, he has my favorite car, a cool Jaguar convertible and yes ... she is living the life I want! Except for the cow. But I forgive her and don’t even hate her. In fact, I really like her. The wife ... not the cow.

We discussed the possibility of my moving to D.C. as there were a couple available men, but when Borrowed Husband and I got to the party and he pointed them out to me, I found that I had already dated them ... both! Scary, isn’t it? Lordy lordy lordy ... is there no one left for me to date in this nation? (She wailed.)

Well, I am soon headed for Scotland where I have never been, so hope still lives. Although I’m not into cheap. And the only Scot I know is as the stereotype, really really cheap. So cheap he wouldn’t recommend anything for me to do on the visit and it wouldn’t have cost him anything to do so but a moments’ thought and maybe a few phone calls! The Bastard knows everyone in the whole friggin’ country. But I’m not bitter!

Anyway, back to the Dinner. Lots of men, but I didn’t meet anyone ... well that’s not exactly true. A guy who is a sheik followed me around and told me he gets to New York frequently but I just don’t want to be in a harem. Even I am not that desperate. Yet. The only really cute guy was an Israeli bodyguard and though he smiled at me, he couldn’t ditch Shimon Peres.

The next day I went to lunch at the CIA with the other friend whom I’d bonded with in Aspen Seminars. So I’ll call him “M” like in James Bond movies (double pun intended ... bond, Bond ... plus spy reference, get it?) He is a biggie in the Agency and occasionally disappears for a while so that no one, including his wife knows his whereabouts. Or maybe he is just saying that to turn me on. And it does! It’s cool to know a spy even though his department is technically not the spy department and shall remain vague — so I remain alive.

Actually, I told him about the problems I am having with Nasty Neighbor but he wouldn’t help me do anything to him as he said they can’t spy on U.S. citizens and oh yeah ... it would be illegal and silly stuff like that. (Next time I am going to bond with a FBI guy. They can do Americans.)

I had to give him my social security number and other info earlier so I could be checked out. I was a little worried about what they would find but hey ... he said they don’t spy on Americans right? We drove in to the grounds of the headquarters in Virginia (I’m allowed to say that as it is common knowledge) and it was kind of like a movie ... guys with guns and stuff. Until he told me that two agents had been gunned down outside these very gates a few years ago. That was a little too real life. They tracked down the killer ... years later. I won’t say I was a tad nervous but I did duck down in the car later, on the way out, till we were back on the highway.

When we stopped at the second gate going in to get my visitor pass, two guys were sitting at computers and one started laughing after I gave my name. “M” told me he was not laughing at me but I don’t believe it. The other guy checked my information and I was a tad worried. Remember the time with the hockey player in Russia that I told you about last week ... maybe he was a spy or maybe it said “she hasn’t had sex in going on many months and has a friend who hasn’t had it for twenty plus years.”

Moving on.

I wanted to see “M’s” office but he said I couldn’t. “Is it like an Import/Export store with a fake backroom,” I joked. He didn’t smile. But just said ... ”something like that.”

I started to walk down another hall and was stopped by a guard. It was not marked “No Entry” but “M” suggested I “stay with him” the rest of the way. And believe me, I did. Moving on ... this time quickly!

We looked at the museum section which shows stuff captured from Russian spies etc. and I got the brilliant idea that perhaps I should become a spy for the CIA. I am very gregarious and could use my subtle charms to gain information and of course, meet men, plus I’d be paid to do it. This time “M” laughed hysterically. He does have a sense of humor. But I was serious!

There were displays of fake fish and flying insects that look real, but are fake computers which send back information. Very clever. There were miniaturized cameras in all sorts of things including brooches and cigarette lighters. And there was =================CENSORED

Oh oh. How did that happen? Yikes!! Really moving on and out ...

Later that day I went to the new Museum of the American Indian which was very well done. When I was a little girl in Wisconsin we would go up North and visit Indian sites. I have a photo of myself at around 4 years old looking up, scared to death, at a huge Chief in full headdress but I have always had a real love for their culture. Every American should go to the Museum and get the full impact of what we did to these once proud people.

Then, to cleanse my, and by proxy all of our souls, I went to the Botanical Gardens which are gorgeous and lush and you can get a free hydrating facial under the spray if you sit there a while. Hey, don’t knock it. It probably costs a hundred bucks at a spa.

Memo to self: Never use Dulles Airport when going to D.C. It was brutal traffic and then a three-hour delay. But I am now home and again, I realize how important it is to get out of the house! I had a good time and though I didn’t meet Mr. Adequate, perhaps someone saw me at the Dinner yeah ... and he will ask Borrowed Husband who I am, yeah ... and a long distance romance will start and I will be married this time next year ... and we will have beautiful grandkids before my friends do, and a place in both cities ... with no cow but my own Jaguar ... or not! I’d bet on “or not.”

“Rule Brittania”

As I am off to Great Britain, I thought it incumbent upon me to get up early on Saturday morning and watch the wedding celebration of Charles and Camilla. It was lovely. I have always had a soft spot in my heart for him and happen to be a fan of their story and the results. She got her Mr ... er Prince Adequate, din’t she luv?

Following a private civil ceremony there was a prayer service at a spectacular chapel with all the pomp and ceremony we expect from the Royals. One couldn’t help but listen carefully to the parts about faithfulness etc. and one thought it a tad amusing when asked if they would remain so, they answered as written: “that is my resolve, with the help of God.” Hmmm ... not a resounding YES, was it now, luvs?

She is warm and gracious and I like her even though she wore what looked to be a bird’s nest on top of her head. When they got outside the wind was blowing and she had a heck of a time keeping it from flying away. But that must be a Brit thing as there was quite a lot of strange headgear among the guests, one of whom was wearing what looked to be antlers.

Prince Phillip singing “God save the Queen” as She stood next to him was fun to see and when the rest of the Royals climbed onto buses to take them to the reception, it was a hoot!

The Royal Observer who was commentating on CNN said how nice it was that “middle aged love can prevail” to which I say amen!! I just wish the stupid CNN news crawl had been suspended during the ceremony as somehow it ruined the atmosphere to read that “people allergic to peanuts now have been shown to be allergic to lupin flour” whatever the hell that is!

“Bon Vogage”

So now Dear Reader ... I am off to my next adventure ... London, Scotland, and the cruise home on the Queen Mary II looking for my Prince or a reasonable facsimile. Will be thinking of you and keeping notes to tell you. See you in three weeks ... if I am recovered from jet lag, or four if not. And keep your fingers crossed for me ... as to meeting you-know-who, won’t ya luvs?

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