THE SEARCH FOR MR. ADEQUATE
Part XXVII
By Susan Silver

Well, it’s official. I am homeless. Okay, not actually homeless but dispossessed (that seems like a lot of s’s doesn’t it) for six, count em six weeks!

My building is redoing the three terrace gardens on my floor, of which mine is the smallest, but lovely … and the drilling and dirt, the jackhammering and junk, make it impossible for us to remain at home during this debacle.

My neighbors are going out of the country, or renting suites at hotels, and I am encamping at friends. Thank God for friends. I will be commuting to the Hamptons during the week and home on the weekends the reverse of the crowd and then in July, I escape to Aspen. I know you don’t think it sounds like I deserve sympathy, but for someone who works out of the house and sleeps or daydreams all day in between work and soap operas … this is a calamity! My nest is being fouled or is that fowled to keep the bird metaphor going?
They told us, no air conditioning and you can’t open the windows, so I will be perspiring on those days when I am still here, or packing to go away. I HATE THIS!

And so, Dear Readers my creative juices will not flow. The little spigot of humor has shut off and I am going to take a brief hiatus from the Search, or really the reportage of the Search as the actual Search continues every day of my damn life, doesn't it?

But just to catch you up on the gang before I go …

Deb went home to California after the trip we shared and decided to do something stupid. Well, at the time she thought it was smart. She, being into all kinds of things metaphysical and spiritual (has six psychics on call, feng shui’s her self silly etc. etc.) wanted to rid her house of the spirits of various workman … so she lit sage to “cleanse it” and almost burned the house down. So now new workmen will have to come and fix it and then she’ll sage it and then and then and then ….

Lizzie is finally out of the closet. No no … I mean she’s finally finished unpacking all her clothes. It only took six months of solid work. She is going places and doing things, though she still wears only black. She is also working on getting rid of the jerk she’s been seeing for sex and dinner … as now it is no longer in that order and she doesn’t need a meal that badly and he doesn’t talk so what’s the point, I keep asking her?!

Stan is working so hard he has no time to date. In fact he has no time to breathe and I am kind of worried he’s going to drop dead.

Mr. Joey, my combo hair colorist/shrink is just as upset as I am about Bo losing the American Idol. I voted 12 times and he voted 6 so I blame him. But we both know that Bo will have a much better career than the winner.
Larry the Fourth introduced me to a really neat couple that I like. Lately the only dates I’ve had are with couples … hmmm.

Actually, I did see LOML for a drink a couple weeks ago and it was nice. Somehow there still is a great comfort level even if it can’t work out romantically.

Best of all, I had a quick trip to Minneapolis to see my precious guys. Ben is now four and really likes to play with me and I got tons of kisses. Nate was just two and is adorable and just starting to know me so I got one good kiss and a half hug. These are my favorite guys on the planet, though they are short.

And … ta da!!! I’m usually complaining but I also actually had two very nice taller male interactions … so to speak. First, I went to hear Dr. John, one of the great New Orleans piano men/singers. He was playing a very rare intimate concert in one at Au Bar. And my platonic friend known as S2, for reasons I won’t explain, took me. We were seated in the second row of the rather small club so we were really in good eye range of the Dr. At an early point in the concert he said as only he can in his inimitable New Orleans accent, “Ah’d like to ax somebuddy for wader.”

Well, a bunch of people raised their glasses, but only one … yes, you guessed it, stood up and offered her glass. He said “okey dahlin, but no iiizzze?”

I said “no ice and untouched by human lips” and walked up to the stage to hand it to him. He, for those of you who don’t know the good Dr., is a hefty man with a long pony tail and a hat, who walks with a cane and is rockin! He took the water and then said, “Oh honey … when u dis goodlukin, I gots to get a hug.” He got one! And then he said “she smell good too.” People high five’d me as I left the stage. All right for middle aged gals! And the concert was amazing too.

Next, I was kind of picked up by a neat guy another night. Don’t get too excited though … here’s the rest of the story. I was having early dinner in the Lobby of the Four Seasons hotel, with Stan before we went to the theater. I went to the Ladies Room and a very handsome, ex politician was walking by. (No not Bill.)

Anyway, I smiled and kept walking and he said … and this is a very good pickup line, guys … “Wait ... someone that beautiful has to say hello to my friend ‘cause it’ll make his evening.” He introduced me to his friend … who wasn’t that excited to meet me and we chatted for a while. Said politician is married and not of my political persuasion, but still cute and it still counts!
It takes so little to make me happy. And I guess I’ll stick with the faux dominatrix hairstyle as it seems to work better for me then the Dorothy Hamill thing.

The weather has finally gotten beautiful and sunny and everyone is out in spring finery. The fashionistas are awash with green, yellow and lavendar. Note to fashionistas over forty … I’d skip the bohemian skirt thing and turquoise jewelry altogether. What is that saying … “if you wore it the first time around, skip the next time.” And the sales are on! What more could a girl want than spring in our great city. Note to Mayor: please fix potholes on Madison and I will be totally happy. Note to loud cell phone talkers: I am on the prowl and I will accost you.

And so, Dear Readers, I will see you probably in August when I return with all sorts of stories about The Search for Mr. Adequate and other life lessons. I want to mention how much I enjoy all your emails … some of you have become email buddies with me so keep them coming as I want to know how you are doing … and you know who you are.

Everyone … have a good few months, miss me, and … bye for now.

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