THE SEARCH FOR MR. ADEQUATE
Part 71

By Susan Silver

Oh my god! Am I glad this did not happen to me. But then, it wouldn’t have. And why? Because I have more dating experience than my dear friend who fell into this one.

I’ve mentioned her before … she was married briefly, then divorced and became gay. Then, after some rocky female relationships … yes, they have the same problems as straight relationships … she went back to guys again.

And the Internet dating world! I tried to warn her to take it cautiously, but she was so excited about the whole prospect, she didn’t listen. Kid in the candy store. And hey, she got a lot of responses first time out.

She immediately found two guys she thought were ”adorable” on the Internet. I, who have found one in the 1000 plus I have trolled through, thought it was a bit too easy, but she was feeling lucky.

The first one turned out to be nice, but not her type. We are not sure what her type is, mind you, but he wasn’t it.

The second one lasted two dates and then got weird and needy. Now that should have warned her but nooooooo.

Number three arrived in time for the Christmas Holiday. She didn’t have the nerve to tell me this until last week, when she came into town from Los Angeles. She knew I’d say … yes … ’I told you so etc.’

Anyway, the guy seemed presentable. He was cute, the right age, the right status … that is divorced, had two kids, which was fine with her. She immediately got involved, seeing him a few times in one week. She thought it was nice that he was so interested. I thought it was scary.

At a New Year’s Party, she introduced him to her friend who is a psychotherapist, which in retrospect was a smart thing to do. Right? Yes. But only if you take the advice!

She felt like going home before Midnight, and the guy felt like staying at the party and getting free analysis … a large red flag, I’d say. So she left. And he stayed. Getting nervous, anyone?

The friend/therapist told her that he had a “lot of problems.” Financial, divorce, job etc. Run dahling … but she didn’t.

Now I forgot to tell you, my friend is a well known and has a ton of Hollywood connections. And she loves to help people. Uh oh … do you see it coming? But I progress …

A week or so after the New Year’s date, the guy told her he was having a kidney stone removed and could she please pick him up from the hospital. After four and a half dates, I think that’s rushing things a tad. But she, Miss Idiot, agreed. She was to pick him up at seven at night. And then they’d have dinner.

She drove … LA is all about driving, remember … she drove an hour to the Hospital and they said he had some complication and could she wait. She waited. For an hour. Nothing. She asked what was up? They said another hour. So she waited. Then by the third hour, she figured he would be staying the night, so she left.

At midnight … yes people … midnight, the phone rang and it was the hospital saying they were releasing him and he said she should pick him up. He had no insurance. Of course he didn’t!

She drove … forty-five minutes this time because the traffic at midnight is a little better. That’s the good news.

She got to the hospital and he was waiting in a wheel chair … as she described it, asleep and drooling!  They poured him into her car and she drove him to her house as she did not know his address!

When she got him to her place … she pulled, half carried him onto the elevator and dragged him into her apartment. She said he was sort of half conscious by now and throwing up! On her white carpet!!  

She rushed to put a sheet on top of her good bedspread on the guest bed, so he wouldn’t yuck it up and got him into the bed. And poured some Vicodin into him, per his semi conscious request.

The next morning, she got up, assuming she would be taking him home, but he begged her to let him stay as he wasn‘t feeling that well. And then he passed out! Could it be the Vicodin? But … yes Dear Reader, she agreed.

She ran out to get stuff to feed him and came back. He woke up just long enough to tell her he “didn’t feel like solid food” and could she get Ensure?!

Two days later … he was sitting up at the dining room table with a lot of papers with notes on them. Why, he must have been feeling better.  He then proceeded to tell her that he had written up some “business plans” for half the people at the New Year’s Party and how he and she could go into a partnership to manage their careers. Huh and what?     

Now she was thinking how do I get this parasite out of the apartment and still live? She called the therapist from her bathroom. This is the first smart thing she’s done in the whole wretched mess, said I. The therapist told her to carefully suggest it might be time for him to leave. And they could discuss business when he was “feeling better.”  

She did so. He seemed surprised. He then said that the next day he did have a meeting and could call someone to pick him up. She said “good.” That morning she had to go to work and when she got home, he was gone.

NO THANK YOU NOTE. NOTHING.

But, remember my saying “they all come back?” Well, he had the you-know- what to call her a few days later and ask for the email and/or phone of some of her friends. She declined.

She is no longer interested in dating … anyone or anything. It’s time for a pet.

Will see you guys first week of August when I return. Have a great July. Keep in touch on the blog … http://mradequate.blogspot.com

Respond to susan@newyorksocialdiary.com.