THE SEARCH FOR MR. ADEQUATE
Part 73

By Susan Silver

In the winter, a lot of Hollywood types descend on Aspen, which is one of the reasons I go in the summer. Plus I do not ski, though I do look good in the outfits and could sit around the fire and pretend ... but ...

The more interesting people who come for the Institute are in fields that I don’t usually run across. Like physics, or the CIA, remember (Column 23) Or the aforementioned Supremes. That’s the Court, not the singing girls.

And this summer, the presence of show biz types proved the point. Well, in fairness, not all of them. Last week I mentioned Norman Lear who is a doll. And Katie Couric was there too.

I have never seen the morning shows, as I am sleeping, so I was curious to see Katie in the flesh as she was one of the speakers at the Ideas Festival.

But my first few interactions with her were a bit problematic. I wound up sitting in front of her at a few panels. And those of you Dear Readers who know me well, know that I am a fanatic when it comes to noise. No Cell Phones! Anywhere!

Katie, who looks great by the way ... taller than I thought, really good legs and surprisingly strong arms, was not on her cell phone, but she was noisy.

She and her little entourage were whispering and opening pistachios from a plastic bag which crinkled unmercifully. I did my usual, turn around and glare, even though I was surprised to see who it was. That slowed them, but didn’t stop them.

The second time, they were just talking. More glare. Then, when I was introduced to her later in the day, she said sweetly, “Oh yeah, I was sitting behind you and annoying you all day.”

I, slightly embarrassed said, “Oh, you noticed?”

She laughed and said, “I’d do the same thing as you.” Whew!

And she is funny too. In her interview with Bob Scheiffer, (and what a lovely man he is) she talked about how TV audiences know her body intimately. Having done a colonoscopy and a breast exam on camera, she joked that for the CBS news ratings she was thinking of doing a Pap smear ... live.       

So to paraphrase Sally Field, I liked her ... I really really liked her. (Speaking of Sally, was there anyone else in my age bracket who had a ‘senior moment’ of angst seeing her osteoporosis commercial? It must be akin to when the sadly departed June Allyson started with Depends!) But I depress ...

Back to Aspen. I had always told them to include more Cultural programs and this year they brought in a famous Hollywood Director and a bright but brittle writer and a performer in love with her own voice. And a moderator who thinks he is super cool. Guess who bombed?! Guess who were the only people to be unapproachable and down right rude? You got it. Should I name names? Email me and I’ll tell.

But one of them was Sydney Pollack, whom I had always liked ... before.

After the Institute was over, I spent the next few weeks going to lunches and dinners and parties. The dance there is always brilliant, this year the Sante Fe Ballet. And the music festival is extraordinary. On Sunday afternoons, people bring their blankets and they sit outside the music tent and enjoy the concerts. The art world there is vibrant and there is always something interesting to do and see.

Long walks ... I don’t really ‘hike’ or have the boots for it ... biking, all sorts of wonderful outdoor activities did take off a few pounds which I’m determined to keep off. Although there was one dessert, which was THE ONE! A chocolate warm gooey thing drizzled with razzberry sauce that ranked as the best I’ve ever had.

As for shopping, I was a good girl, though one of my favorite stores, Amen Wardy, now has purses in addition to the best home décor accessories anywhere. I did get a really cute little white purse with jewels on it.   

As for male companionship, I have a new love named Zane. How cute is that for a name? He is absolutely gorgeous with dark hair and blue blue eyes, though a bit short.  He is extremely flirtatious and very affectionate and loves to kiss on the lips.

Relax kids, he’s my friend’s three year old.

I’d met him when he was two and this time we really spent some quality time. We went shopping for a toy. Then I played with him at a Carnival and bought him rides and an ice cream with a topping of little colored M&M’s. I noticed he ate all but the brown ones. When I asked him why he didn’t want to eat those, he said they look like the ones that ‘come out in the toilet.’   

He’s funny too. I love a guy who makes me laugh.

(He also had just recovered from swallowing a little beebee like marble and since there was a lot of angst until it “pinged” out, I guess he was preoccupied with toilets.) He made me miss my Precious Boys so much I am going to visit them later this month. Gee, if I add up all their ages, 3, 3 1/4 , and 5 and ¾ I’d almost have a whole guy, but he wouldn’t be as cute as they are.

It’s so easy to be happy when you are surrounded with great activities and interesting people who are smart and fun. Duh! I just have to figure out a way to spend the rest of my life there.  

But frankly, after three weeks it was time to come home. In fact, I was so over stimulated I decided to skip the jazz concert, stay in the last night and just savor the memories. I did get a great massage at Aspen Back Clinic which cured my sciatica and sent me out more relaxed than I’ve ever been! Another THE ONE! For those of us keeping score, it was thus a four peak experience!

Usually on the plane ride home I have some nightmare, but this time I offered to switch with a guy who wanted to sit next to his wife. I must have been really relaxed! It turned out he was in the first row, hence I had lots of leg room. And now, a cute young guy sitting next to me.

He endeared himself by saying “Oh good, I get the sexy blond instead of the old guy.” Which was flattering in spite of the fact that the “old guy” was probably my age. So we talked the whole way home. He is a dermatologist with offices in New York and the Hamptons and hey, a free consult is a free consult! And he promised to look for older doctors to fix me up with. When you are young it’s nice to date jewelers, or furriers. When you reach a certain age, a doctor is better to have around! Then, eventually, I suppose a mortician.

Back home. Then reality set in ... the news was filled with war, the heat wave was unbearable, and Mel Gibson was ... being Mel Gibson. Quel surprise!

And I am back old lazy habits. But I guess that’s why we go on vacations, to change, and experience everything we can. And mine was THE ONE! Hope your summer was as well.

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P.S. Last week, two fun things I saw and recommend highly. The first is the Will Farell spoof of Nascar, “The Legend of Ricky Bobby.” I have never laughed so hard in my life at a movie. But the bad news is that it means I have the sense of humor and sensibility of a pre-pubescent boy. So I don’t really know if I should recommend it to you. But to your sons and grandsons, yes.

The second is something I do recommend to anyone who loves Broadway. Stan and I went to see Martin Short’s new ‘One Man Show’ which is in reality a six person show which satirizes everyone who has ever done the self-indulgent autobiographical thing. Billy Crystal’s family angst, Chita Rivera’s homage to choreographers, Elaine Stritch’s addiction mea culpa etc.

I have always loved Martin Short’s characters and he does some of them. Plus the clever music by Marc Shaiman of Hairspray fame makes this a real winner in my book. (Yes, the Katherine Hepburn imitation is still funny.) And there is a sketch about the Tony’s that is brilliant.

Go. It’s really good to laugh, particularly these grim days.

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