THE SEARCH FOR MR. ADEQUATE
Part XXXI
By Susan Silver

Actually, this is the first time in days that I’ve had a minute to write.

The response to my ad was ... well ... she said modestly, amazing!

The first day was exciting. I turned on the computer and was constantly interrupted by little pop-ups telling me someone from the dating site was interested in meeting me. At least I don’t have that really annoying voice saying “you’ve got mail.”

The first day I got ten, count ‘em, ten “feelers.” They call them “winks” or “teases” in computer-dating lingo and it was flattering. At first.

None of the first ten appealed to me. But I sent them emails saying I was back with my old boyfriend, but thanks anyway, or you live so far away etc. Anything nice not to hurt their feelings. I figured it was computer-dating etiquette. But it took forever.

The next day there were eight. Now it was getting on my nerves as I was working on something important and didn’t want to be interrupted. Same deal. No one whose picture I liked. Short nice “no’s” back to them. But there was one who seemed interesting and so I emailed him for his picture. I never got it. I can only assume he was not photogenic, to put it kindly since he was the one who “winked” at me. Or maybe he was just really “teasing!”

The third day I got five and then I realized there was something called an automatic “decline” which did it for you. I didn’t know what the “decline” said ... but I figured it was easier than my lying, and would save me time for the vast amounts of emails I no doubt would be getting from now on. Those whom the Goddesses wish to destroy, they first make really arrogant, girl! And lazy.

The next day I only got three new ones and a hostile repeat from someone I declined. I erased it rapidly ‘cause it scared me, but it was something along the lines of ‘who do I think I am,’ etc. etc. and the word ‘lesbian’ was repeated repeatedly.

Meanwhile, Lizzie and I had not heard from either of the two guys we had emailed. We went for the real deal ... we wrote nice notes in detail ... no cutesy “winks or teases.” And I had written her guy for her as she didn’t want to put a picture on. But we figured it was the weekend, after all and maybe they were away.

There were NONE the next day ... so it wasn’t that time consuming.

Whoops. The little “dating” pop up has just popped up. I’ll be right back.

Those goddessess are at work!

I HAVE BEEN DECLINED! I am humiliated. The jerk ... formerly guy I thought was cute, nice and smart ... that I sent the full email to, declined me! And by the auto-decline! He didn’t even say he had gotten back with his old girlfriend. Boo hoo. Now that I know what is like to be rejected this way, I will be nicer to ones I reject. And, I want more information! What was wrong with me? He said he wanted a “really smart woman” ... and I am. He said he wanted someone interested in sports and I am. He wanted tall ... am ... he wanted ... okay okay, he wanted younger. So I lied. But I guess not enough.
Whoops ... another pop up. Maybe he changed his mind. Be right back.

Those goddesses are really bitches!

I just got an email from one of the guys I had “opened and not declined” telling me I had no computer-dating manners! I didn’t know there was a folder that tells you if you’ve been “opened!” I am going to check if Lizzie’s guy has opened her/my email. Be right back.

Hope springs eternal

He has still not opened the email. This is getting kind of Big Brotherish, isn’t it? But at least Lizzie wasn’t “declined.” Yet.

Sorry ... now the phone is ringing.

Stan just called. He is out and about again. I knew he would be. And he had a traumatic weekend in the Hamptons. He stayed with a platonic woman friend and had gone out to a dressy charity thing and then some other parties and gotten home very late, around 3ish. The friend had locked the door by mistake and he, being a good guy and guest didn’t want to wake her. So he had to sleep in his car in a $3,000 bespoke suit! His back hurt, he had no sleeping pills, and he said a tree was continually “ejaculating sap” all over his newly washed vehicle. Hmmm ... or maybe he dreamed ....

At six a.m. he gave up and went to the Candy Kitchen to join geriatric patients who were wheeled over or walked with walkers for their morning coffee. He will never go to the Hamptons again, he said. I don’t believe him.
Back to my computer-dating ... but do we have to? Let’s not and say we did. Okay, okay. Yesterday I got matches that were suggested by the site for me. These guys were really icky. I don’t know why the site thinks they are my type!? But the good news is I don’t have to answer them at all and there is no way that these guys know I’ve opened them! I think.

Today I didn’t get anything. And I am happy to report that. Although wondering why not!!

I guess computer-dating is not for me.

So Dear Readers, I am heading for the Hamptons next weekend and perhaps I will have my own, but better adventure than Stan’s to share with you. Until then ...

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