THE SEARCH FOR MR. ADEQUATE
9/22/06

By Susan Silver

And the Winner is ...

A witty male friend whom I saw on the street the other day had an entry for me. But of course it “didn’t happen to him,”  But it is the quintessential worst thing a guy could ever hear … that we all will agree.

Ready? Ok … here ‘tis: “Is it in?”

I don’t think there’s a runner up that comes close. But thanks to the other guys who entered and you know who you are and I appreciate hearing from some of you on a regular basis.

Me on the radio

Sunday I was honored to be a guest on the first show of BoomerBroads. They are out of Boston and though we can’t hear it here, we can get it on streaming audio at the website: http://www.wbix.com/                                  

They are going to be on Sunday’s 3-5 in the afternoon and talking about all the topics that affect BB’s … money, ageism, sex or lack of same. And I told the story about the worst thing said to a woman (he picked up her eyebrows and said “I just wanted to see what you looked like when you were young. And she was 24) I could just feel the groans from the listeners.

Speaking of ageing or not … I did tune in to the most hysterically funny new show on TV. It is not a comedy. It is called ‘Fashion House’ and it is so bad that it’s impossible to turn it off. It’s the same as watching an accident on the highway. The worst writing and acting I have ever seen and I mean ever!

TV or not TV? ... that is the question

This is on a new channel called MyTV. No ... it’s not mine. It’s nobodies that I’ve ever met or would want to if this is the programming demographic they are aiming for.

It’s a remake of a telenovela from somewhere, a soap opera which gives good soap operas a bad name. The style is a hyperkinetic pose of “hipness” with annoying freeze frames and flashcuts to give it the “edgey feel” of a photo shoot. The music moves from the merely sappy and whiney to the relentless drum beat of fake and ridiculous tension. 

It stars that great actress Bo Derek. She now is a “9”, acting 0. Her ‘acting’ consists of moving her upper lip up and down and shrugging her shoulders, while giving monotonous line readings no matter what is going on.

And what is going on consists of a lot of good looking guys with awesome hair, revealing their muscles by taking off their shirts, a lot of beautiful girls with awesome hair snarling at the awesome guys, and murder, occasionally.

Bitch slapping is shown in the previews to come. And also, to come … Morgan Fairchild. She looks exactly as she did twenty-five years ago. That is to say totally plastic. But now nothing moves. And I mean nothing.

I guess bitch slapping will ensue between Morgan and Bo eventually. I can’t wait.   

“Dancing with the Stars” is back and fun as always. Horrifying discovery … Harry Hamlin cannot dance. He is stiff and awkward and really pathetic. Too bad as he used to be really cute. Though now Lisa Rena’s (the wife’s) huge lips have been surrounded by something filling the rest of her face so that she looks like a balloon as she roots obnoxiously for him.

I actually voted for Jerry Springer, I know I know. But he was very modest about his talent, which was appropriate and I found it a bit endearing. (Even though his own show is despicable unless you like seeing people with no teeth throwing chairs at members of their family who are sleeping with their spouses incestlike. I know that is not a word but it seems right.)

This year’s football legend, Emmett Smith, is so light on his feet and has an adorable smile and those athletes really want to win! My favorite dancer is Joe Lawrence who used to be Joey Lawrence, kid star on some comedy in the 80’s I think. He is so cute and has a rockin bod and has shaved his head as he used to be known for his moptop and now wants to be mature and bald I guess. But he seems very sweet and can really dance!

I can’t get into the new comedies and the new dramas all seem to have one name which speaks “danger” and is episodic so you have to commit your entire life to them. Ala “Kidnapped,” “Vanished,” “Eek ” … no that one is fake.

I think this season I will stick to my old favorites, “House”, “Lost” and “Scrubs” and maybe I’ll even stop watching TV and read a few books!

There was a trauma in Hawaii for my favorite bounty hunger, Dog. His show, which I’m really addicted to on A&E, features his hugely breasted pistol of a wife, Beth, his kids...he has 12 … and various others who catch bad guys for a living.

Ironically he was arrested for going down to Mexico to capture Andrew Luster, Max Factor heir, who was doping and raping women. But you are not allowed to bounty hunt in Mexico and the Dog and his team were released on bond three years ago and never went back. Though they did get Luster tried and jailed which is a good thing!

Well, I guess one reaps what one sows etc. (they are fond of quoting the Bible) and Federal Marshalls knocked on Dog’s door and took him to jail on the old charge. We are breathlessly awaiting the outcome.

Dog will not last in jail for several reasons. Inmates don’t like bounty hunters, and Dog wears a mullet hair extension with Indian beads which he probably won’t be allowed to take with him.

I know I know … too much information. Bye for now …

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