THE SEARCH FOR MR. ADEQUATE
10/13/06

By Susan Silver

And here it is, to share with you all: Everyone was out in their fall finery, as it was a lovely day. I had on a particularly smart outfit, if I do say so myself. A pair of cropped plaid pants with a plaid bustier and short sweater. With short boots. (I got it last year, before the look became overdone.)

The men all look at women in two ways, one … ”I want you,” which can be offensive or nice depending on how they handle it, and the other, well, it’s more like a non look. Like you are invisible. Yes, sadly, some do not see women over forty. I’m not kidding. On this particular date, the former happened frequently, fortunately. The latter did not this time, but it did happen to me in Aspen once this summer and it’s not a pretty thing. I was traumatized for weeks.

Anyway, women look at other women in a myriad of ways. First they look at the outfit, usually from bottom on up. And then they rate it, who looks better, you or I? Then who could wear it better, you or I?  And then if they are secure, they give you an admiring nod like “good outfit.”

The conclusion is: men are way less complicated than women, but we all know that anyway. So may it’s half an epiphany. I just like the word.

Finally fun

I finally had a really fun date! Hallelujah!! The sportswriter I had met on the Internet took me to lunch at his club and we played pool. So much fun!

He is cute, smart, and has an adorable personality. Now comes the but … he is 34!! Yes, eons too young. But we had decided, as you may recall, that I would look for young women for him and he would look for older guys for me. That was the premise of our date. Or so I thought.

I had seen him around and we have some mutual friends. It’s definitely fun to hang out with younger people. And it’s interesting to hear their pov on dating.

He wants only women in their late 20s as the ‘older ones around 30’ are either jaded, bitter, or dying to get married immediately, he says. That may be his experience, and I couldn’t talk him out of it. Actually I don’t know any late 20s girls, but I will keep my eyes open.

As for his part of the bargain, he says he’ll do it, but we have our doubts!

However it was a really good time and I had one of the best chocolate dessert cakes ever which always counts as a winning time for me. And of course there is no pressure when a guy is 34!

Casting the wider “net”

Re the Internet dating thing, I checked my “profile” and I realized you can see everyone who looked at you! Oh my god! I didn’t know that. I skimmed the thousands, ok the new 87 of the total 200 who had checked me out, to see if I had missed anyone good and found one guy who had written but I’d neglected to answer who might … we say, might, be a possible. There were also two women who scanned me. Hmmm.

I found that I could shut off the button that tells them you are on line which I found to be very annoying as they kept buzzing in to IM me … that’s instant message. And I shut that sucker off. Ah this Internet thing is complex.

And if truth be told, it’s too much trouble. You have to check out the site every time there is a message for you, which can be several times a day. Then you have to look up their profile and ask for a photo if one is not displayed. You have to either respond or “delete” them … and sometimes I feel like I need to explain why … too young, too short, too something.

Then in the very few times I’ve decided to go further, you have to email, then phone … as I don’t give out my number … and make the date and go on the date.

Why can’t someone gorgeous, tall, and SINGLE simply walk up to me on the street, or at a party and say “where have you been all my life” and let’s get on with it! Why indeed? Sigh.

Anyway there were three more who seemed possibilities, and I asked for the photos. One came back and well, let’s be kind, I just said “I’m sorry, I’m seeing several people.” Well, I am, sort of.

The second one emailed me back “you first ” … well since he sent me the initial contact message … one is tempted to say “f—k you” but I think I’ll just skip it!

I have one more to talk with tonight, Monday.

Reporting in

I’m writing this as it goes … so we just talked and he is very amusing and since he’s in the neighborhood, we are having lunch on Friday. I know, I know I’m breaking the drink only rule, but what the heck.

Tuesday I have a big event breakfast which is usually loaded with guys, so “hope springs eternal.” But we’ve heard that before, haven’t we Dear Readers?

So stay tuned for the breakfast result, hoping I manage to ‘spring up’ for it! 8 a.m. is not a civilized time for socializing!

The Breakfast Club

Okay, I just was at the ABNY breakfast. This is the organization started by Lew Rudin to bring business back to NY. He was my first landlord and a lovely man and his kids Billy and Beth are carrying on the great traditions he began.

It turns out it was 8:30 not 8 and I could have slept another half hour! The guests speakers were Gov. Jeb Bush and Mayor Bloomberg. I try not to get into politics in this column, but let’s just say that the Gov. was articulate and well spoken. There were those who were heard to say something like “the brains in the family clearly were not shared.” Just quoting what I heard, folks.

As for the Mayor ... well, I for one want him to be anointed Mayor For Life.

I think he has done a magnificent job and perhaps it requires having been a Dem and now being a Republican … therefore epitomizing non-partisanship.

Seriously, he is smart, clear thinking, a doer, no b-s! And he really loves the city and it shows.

I walked home, not an easy task in pointy toed, four inch heels, but it was a lovely morning and I was surprised at how tranquil the city can be at an early hour. Well, nine-fifteen is early for me. As the stores were not open yet, it gave me time to ruminate and I had another epiphany! That’s two in a week!!

I had not met any potential Mr. Adequates at the breakfast, nothing new. 

But I did have a one on one chat with the Mayor. Actually I’d met him many years ago at the Polo matches in the Hamptons. Someone had suggested that we should meet, but he was too short for me and I don’t think I knocked him out either.

This time around, I thought he was absolutely charming. Maybe it’s the position, but I don’t think so. It probably was the exquisitely tailored suit which made him look like a million … oh yeah right, a billion! And he had a really nice engaging way about him. Oh well.

His girlfriend is a great deal taller than I, thus him as well, and it didn’t bother her. Note to self: ease up on the requirements, babe!

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