THE SEARCH FOR MR. ADEQUATE
Part XXXVIX
By Susan Silver

I was fairly busy last week, at least for me. I had a screening, a fun lunch with a friend from out of town, went to the movies and the theater as I told you about. And it was nice to be with people, rather than stay in as I do tend to. It’s amazing how nice! I’ll have to keep that in mind. Of course, so much of it depends on receiving invitations as I am not a self-starter.

Lately I’ve been getting a lot of store ‘special event invites,’ and I think that should count too. Don’t you? I have yet to go to one, because I don’t need to do any more shopping than I already have for the fall season. But, in lieu of more exciting invitations, I just might try a Bloomie’s night and see what goodies one gets for free, if nothing better comes along.

The rain this week put a damper on going out, however. I love to stay in on a rainy day and read and now have gotten the softest, cuddliest, fluffiest bathrobe in the history of the world … perfectly named “My Blankee” … so you know I was relishing this storm. I tend to anthropomorphize (and yes the spelling is correct) anyway, so I actually caught myself talking to the robe in lovey-dovey tones. Don’t ask. Stan, who knows me too well, said now that I have the robe I will never leave the house. I hope he is wrong!

One of the good things that happens when I meet new people and they find out about the column, is that they tell me their dating stories. In this case, someone told me the story of her friend. This was right up there in the ‘worst dates ever’ category and I couldn’t wait to pass it on to you.

A woman had signed up with one of the dating services and they fixed her up with a guy who arrived at her home wearing … WOODEN SHOES! Yes, you read that correctly. Wooden, as in cloglike-all-over shoes! And he had made them. She was fixed up with Gipetto or however Pinnochio’s father spells his name! (Editor: pls fix spelling.)

And then, after their dinner … she actually lasted through dinner, folks, she went to his home/woodshop and he showed her his collection. Of what you might ask? Of WALNUTS! He had thousands of walnuts!! No, the shoes were not made of walnuts but jeez! I asked if she had asked for her money back from the dating service and was told “not yet.” Is this girl nuts or what? Oh … pardon the pun. Why would she ever go out with anyone else this service gave her? Next it will be the guy with the Dutch Boy haircut on the paint can.

I am hyperventilating and I didn’t even go out with the guy.

But he may not be the worst date in New York. I read an article recently about a Dr. whose name was spelled with a Z but pronounced ‘Satan’ … aptly it seems. He was married, but went on the Internet posing as a single guy.

He told mostly Asian women that he had made a “deal with the devil” in a past life and couldn’t get married. But when he met them, he said he’d had a change of heart. Then he cheated on them and beat one up. They were suing, charging: ”acting outside the bounds of human decency.” Yeaaahhhh. But who knows how they behaved in his past in ancient Sodom?

Another article asserts that Spas are the new singles’ clubs. I don’t know about you but I am not looking my best with my hair stringy after a steam bath, and my face sweaty and bright red. But even if you were to wrap the towel around your hair, those robes (not ‘My Blankees’) are not the sexiest apparel I can think of. I will pass on co-ed spas, but that might appeal to some of you Dear Readers. Booze is involved. Try them and let me know.
The good news is that statistics are showing that there are more single households in New York than any other place in the country. And further, the women in our fair city are having more sex than women anywhere else. Who are these lucky women? Never mind.

The bad news is the total number of single women in America is 15.5 million compared to the number of single men, which is 11.8. Which, as I always say, makes it strictly a number’s game and therefore too much work for me.

One last stat … on Friday, I had two old boyfriends call, just by chance, and I bumped into another one at the screening. What are the odds of that? One of them was LOML, one a long time unavailable guy but good friend and the third well, a bit of a jerk, ie. mistake. It was like a trip down memory lane and not all bad. I started out this column last year saying I’d kept a list of everyone I’d gone out with since my divorce and a shorter list of ones with whom I’d been intimate. There were some really good times and good memories with these three and it actually was nice talking to all of them and remembering.

But it would be so much nicer to meet someone new whom I could add to the second list. As soon as it stops raining, I guess I’ll go out and get back on the Search. But no WOODEN SHOES! Under any circumstances!!

#

P.S. As a former TV writer, I have to weigh in on the new show “Commander and Chief,” about the first female President. It is like a parody sketch on Mad TV. “She deals with terrorism and her daughter’s pimples!” “She is ‘superwoman’ capable of wearing gorgeous gowns, flirting with a Soviet Leader and ending terrorism in time to save Halloween!” I kid you not. Give me a break. And Glenn Close, I could believe, but ‘Thelma’ or ‘Louise’( I can’t remember which) is too cutesy with her bright red lipstick, overbite and ‘serious look’ in which she crinkles her nose ala “Bewitched.” Sorry, but she just doesn’t cut it as the Prez, maybe Samantha.

I recently started watching “The West Wing” again and it has the best writing, acting and, to my mind, real experience of what it is like to be in the White House and is a much better TV show. They have, however, changed producers on Commander and brought in Steven Bocho of NYPDBLUE and others, so it might improve. I sure hope so, or we will never have a female President if this silly soap opera becomes the role model for America’s media driven consciousness.

Respond to susan@newyorksocialdiary.com