THE SEARCH FOR MR. ADEQUATE
Part XXXXII
By Susan Silver

This week, as I told you, I had visits from two young cute guy friends I met at the Renaissance Weekend Seminar this summer. Part of the programming on this particular Weekend was to meet and learn from “young leaders.” I wasn’t that interested in young leaders frankly, unless they had still-young fathers to meet. But I was proven wrong.

There were some extraordinarily smart, successful, energetic men and women under forty there and I found myself gravitating to them. And, in some cases, they to me. (She said, bragging.)

They have a different vibe and since I am still five years old inside, or on good days thirty-five, we had a lot of connection. To those of you who have grown children, this probably won’t be a surprise. But I don’t have a lot of occasions where I am deeply engaged with young business execs, or even creative types. Part of my new openness will definitely include the under forties, from now on.

My first ‘date’ was with Michael who is a very precocious guy in his late twenties. Tall, long haired, adorable guy with humongous smarts. And he is engaged to a girl who I am sure deserves him. She better!

He does something called “story” for businesses. It’s a sort of language for communicating and inspiring involvement whether in your own life or corporations or society as a whole. It uses words like “new paradigm,” “meta,” and other terms I don’t really get but are still interesting and he is very successful and cutting edge.

And somehow, by osmosis, talks with him gave me a new way to think about what I do and what “story” I am telling with my life.

So what did we do, this intellectual and I? Did we go to museums? Did we go to lectures on bio-ethics or physics? Nooooo….we went to the Chocolate Show! I have always wanted to go in the past, but either was on a diet, or had no one to go with or, let’s be honest, felt too guilty to allow myself the luxury of gorging.

Michael is a ‘chocophile…’ like a wine maven, only with chocolate. Who knew? There are people who study the darn stuff! He tried to explain different processes, or ways to evaluate quality in the making of it. I think he said “single varietal” vs. a double, but I could be wrong. It is grown in only three countries. And it comes from huge pods! I thought it came from Fanny Farmer. (That will mean something to people from the Mid West.)
Anyway, we went from booth to booth where he engaged in choc-talk and I sampled. By the tenth sample I was relatively dizzy and nauseous from the sweetness, so I switched to the peanut brittles which were saltier. Soon I had to have something to drink from all the salt which led me to the chocolate drinks…some of them alcoholic.

I vaguely remember leaving the place and going for a walk to get some air with Michael, but that’s about all I remember. I may have embarrassed myself but he didn’t say. Plus, I had a hangover or blood sugar reaction for the next two days. So I will never do it again. Frankly, in the days when I craved chocolate 24/7 it would have been a more enjoyable guilty pleasure. I never thought I’d say ‘enough’ to chocolate or sex, but sadly I have to both. The second, not by choice. But moving on…

Then my other cute young guy, Steve, came in town for lunch. He is medium height, very handsome, good hair, and highly energetic. (In fact, I am going to fix him up with my new masseuse who turned out to be fantastic! I feel like I went to Lourdes from just one treatment. I am healed. I can walk again. But I still can’t pay the piano. But then I never could. Yes yes…old joke but I’m just in a happy jokey mood, ok? Blame it on the chocolate.

But I digress. Steve is a management consultant with a new book that was just previewed in Oprah Magazine which will make it an automatic best seller. It happens to be about something I really really needed to learn. It’s called “Goal Free Living.” And the premise is fairly revolutionary in our competitive world.

He says essentially that by running around, trying to get to the next big goal, we miss out on the present and thereby a fuller richer life. He traveled around interviewing hundreds of people and tells their stories. (Again with the ‘story’…there is a theme here.)

Having achieved some success and goals in my former career as a TV writer, I had been trying for the last few years to figure out what my next “goal” was. Though I am basically lazy, I always felt I had to achieve something grand. I was writing this column “until I found it.” And guess what…I am having so much fun, I don’t have to achieve any other goal than that, for now. Only I thought I was just being lazy until Steve told me I was practicing his philosophy! Again, who knew?

Or, for example, we might even say this pertains to The Search for You Know Who. Lately, I have found and told you all that I am much happier just enjoying my life and being busy and finding things I am passionate about and at the end of these fun filled days, I don’t even think about meeting Mr. A. And, according to Steve…and I believe him…this is a good thing. Hey, if Oprah believes him…it’s got to be true.

I believe in serendipity and that I brought these two young clever guys into my life for a purpose at a particular point when I needed to learn from them.
What else did I learn? Being with young people makes me feel young. THEY KEEP YOU YOUNG. There…you have it. The secret. Now, if it isn’t as earth shattering as you’d hoped…hey, it was free! But it is true.

I hate when older guys stereotype older women, but I will admit that I am having more fun with younger guys. Now, of course, 28 is ridiculous and probably illegal. But all these under forty types made me feel young. What makes it different? Even on a platonic friend date? Lack of cynicism. Energy. No games. Not nearly as much ego. Okay, okay, all these guys are very lovely to me and flatter me and are playful and don’t want anything from me but my company.

And I am probably different with them as well. More down to earth, more open. Of course I have nothing to lose when romance is not in the picture, but I am starting to think that if I did meet a slightly younger guy to whom I was attracted, this would still pertain. So I look at this as “practice dating.”
So, Dear Readers enjoy your dark chocolates, they are now proven good for you. And I will report in on the Thanksgiving ‘Story’ with Lizzie and me and hope yours are all wonderful!

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