THE SEARCH FOR MR. ADEQUATE
Part 47

By Susan Silver

We were treated very nicely at Michael’s Restaurant … oh yeah, DPC eats there every day. But they were nice to me too! And I will start eating there a lot more. I am so easy! A dish of gravlax and I’m yours.

Anyway, I told the boys about the really swell emails I get from the Dear Readers. It’s always interesting to me to see who reads and relates to my travails on The Search for Mr. Adequate.

Some of you are searching for yourselves and some have found. Some have horror stories that I find tres interesant … and I want to share. And, as we discussed at our mini-feast, I have a lot of stuff I haven’t written about, but they thought you might want to hear. I think they are trying to get me in trouble, but maybe not. They say they are my friends.

So, next year I’ll branch out a bit and dish the dirt, no … tell pithy stories … yeah, that’s better … about some of the “types” who have crossed my path … and a few who have crossed me! Dumb of them, wasn’t it.

Actually these are types you have all observed and I know you are not!
The avaricious women, and the ‘naïve’ men who have fallen for them.

Or the types that irritate everyone and yet everyone puts up with them. Well, everyone but me. I have a short fuse when it comes to phoniness or snobbishness. After all, I am a Sag and we are known for being blunt … or as I like to think about it, we tell the truth. No matter what. Hmmm … maybe that’s why I didn’t have a lot of Holiday party invites this year.

Well, parties or not, that is my promise to you, Dear Readers. As always, the truth … only much more of it! And, no, I won’t name names but it’ll make for good guessing won’t it?

And I have a few more tricks … no not to turn … up my sleeve! What makes one Adequate? Is there any hope for Inadequates to qualify? Is there a measure? Yes and I’ll be the judge of that!! And along the way, you can put in your ideas as well.

As you are reading this I am winging my way West. First LA and then Maui. As you might recall, I am going to a Seminar called “Creativity and Madness” … both of which I have a bit of. (As well as ending sentences with prepositions.) And since most of the people attending are shrinks … maybe I’ll hit a twofer … Dr. Adequate and mental health professional. Next to a jeweler, a Dr. is a good get. And, as I get older it’s even better.

Finally, a few brief notes of amusement at the expense of others. Stan got an email that is right up there with the “breakup post-it note” of Sex and The City. One of the insane girls he went with … and there are so many it’s hard to keep track. But this one was over and out a long time ago and they had little communication. However, last week, AT THE OFFICE, he received an email from her, the gist of which is the following:

“I am dating someone else and if it doesn’t work out (within a month) I want to have the use of your sperm. No strings attached. I think we could have very good looking kids.”

Hellllloooo? Excuse me? I asked what did you reply? And he said something like “please do not send emails of this nature to the office as others read them.” Oh, Stan, I wish you’d let me answer it for you. I think he couldn’t help but be complimented that she thought the kids would be ‘very good looking.’ Suffice to say, there will be no sperm forthcoming ... at least in her direction.

Another dear Male friend had a horrible female experience. In a manner of speaking. He went for his first pedicure and told me they “rubbed something gritty on his leg and it hurt.” I said that is exfoliation and a good thing. But then when he got home, a strip of hair was torn off each calf! I told him he might have gotten a wax by mistake, but then he asked me what a wax was and at that point, I ended the conversation, so he could finish lunch without an upset stomach.

Got to go pack, kids, and so this is a short one. I wish you all Happy Holidays of every sort, and most of all the best New Year with health and love … the really important things in life. And next year, we will have fun!

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