THE SEARCH FOR MR. ADEQUATE
Part 50

By Susan Silver

If one is really serious about finding a mate, there are lessons to be learned I suppose. Of course, one has yet to decide just how serious one is. Which is why perhaps I’m still looking for husband number two. And then of course there is Deb, who has yet been married once. (Column 1) That’s a whole other discussion.

There are several, ok three, well probably more, but for purpose of this discussion … three particular women in NY who provoke much gossip and interest vis a vis their “man acquiring” skills.  Why just a few weeks ago, yours truly discussed them with some of the prey, oh, I mean men. And in that little lunch it became apparent to me that opinions about them vary by gender.

One of the femme fatales was according to me, “smart, but a real killer”, and “not pretty at all” and according to the men … “tough but smart,” not that attractive but there is “something about her.”

The second was to them, “a real beauty”, to me … sort of pretty but bland, to them, “totally captivating,” to me … ”totally manipulative and phoney.”

(It’s the old Pamela Harriman trick of looking deep into his eyes as though there is no one else in the room. When I do it, I feel myopic.)

And the third was very smart to all of us and, with total agreement … a real bitch as well. But the guy she snagged obviously didn’t get the memo.

They represent three different decades, two have been married more than once, one is working on the fourth I’m told. But it’s not the stats I’m interested in, it’s the technique. So … here are questions for women:

1.)Would you marry someone semi-icky as a stepping stone socially?

2.) Would you pursue someone who is married?

3.) Would you physically push another woman out of the way when she is standing with someone you might be interested in? ( I was the ‘pushee.’)

4.) Would you announce to one of your husband’s best friends that the “next time I get married it’ll have to be someone like you?”

5.) Is money or power the main requisite for a mate?

6.)Would you use a nice guy to get another not nice guy to marry you?

7.) Are your kids just collateral damage or weapons?

8.) Would you put up with cheating because you want to rule the world? Oh no, wait … that’s a question for the political column. Forget it for now.

Just asking. If the answer to all of the above is yes … then you are in no need of any advice and are already married for the umpteenth time. Mazel tov I guess.

The one common denominator amongst them aside from being blonde, though so am I by the way, is this: They all want it more than anything else! They work from a very well defined plan. They really look at finding a mate as a business project with all that entails. Not being in business, I’m not sure what all that is but probably … large investments of time and money, strategies strictly developed and followed, ruthlessness, and they are at it 24/7. Which, alone, leaves me out, as I am way too lazy.

I once went out with a very rich, very prominent NY “catch” and when he kissed me I thought a rabbit was munching on a carrot. I asked some gay friends, “Do I have to do this? And they said no. And I didn’t. Several other women did and have the alimony and Palm Beach estate that went with the carrot.

Now, as to the technique of the woman with the sextet, I have observed and decided it is, again, way too much hard work. She never let them see her without makeup. She doesn’t tell them her problems. She flatters them, ok fibs to them in an excessive obvious way, and they eat it up. She also got two guys to buy her the same car once. I guess you could get arrested for that on 42nd Street, but hey, she’s had a hell of a life. ( In the interest of full disclosure, I actually went out with one of the six before she did and could not make it through dessert.) But then we know I am too picky, right?

Frankly, some of what these women do is probably smart. And we might all just be jealous. Naw … there is no way on earth I would marry at least five of their collective mates … hell I wouldn’t date them. But if it suits their needs, who am I to say … she said anyway. And, even though I say I’m looking for Mr. Adequate, I really want him to be more than adequate and I must be in love with him! I don’t know if these women care about love or have given up on it. And that is their choice as well. But not for me. There’s a song in there somewhere.

And of course the corollary is the rich and/or powerful man who is a bastard, marries over and over, and can get away with it because those women above are available to him. Hell, lining up for him. And one just came back on the block recently.

I think the big question might be … What is enough? How much does one need really, and if you know that for yourself, perhaps it gives you some leverage to make the best decision and not make some of those … well, to me … compromises. But hey, if you need everything … well there ya’ go, girls. Go get him!   

The Blob … no no no … the Blog! 

I am having lots of fun hearing from you Dear Readers on the Blog. So many are men and that is interesting to me. And your views are, as well.

I am just learning the way it works, being Internet “challenged,” but as soon as the computer guy comes over again, we’ll be adding things to it.

I want to be able to talk about a lot of different things and it gives me the opportunity, though I must say that having to come up with an interesting thought every day is harder than I thought!!

The blog address is: http://mradequate.blogspot.com/

See you there and here next week … .

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