Thursday, July 27, 2017

LIZ SMITH: A guide to The Hamptons

by Liz Smith & Denis Ferrara

On a Quest for Where to Go, What to Do, What to Say and the Proper Pet for Summering in The Hamptons.

“SUMMER afternoon — summer afternoon; to me those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language,” said Henry James.
SUMMER IS indeed upon us. In fact it is half over. But for those of you who have a yen for The Hamptons on lovely summer afternoons, get a hold of Quest magazine for July, The Summer Issue, natch.

The issue is packed full of summery people, places and things, but what caught and amused me most was Brooke Kelly’s “Gliding Through The Hamptons” piece. It’s the “summer playground for New York’s elite.” Elite, by the way, is spelled m-o-n-e-y.Maybe you saved up enough this past winter to be elite, while the weather is warm?

Ms. Kelly’s article is a guide to The Hamptons. A What, Where, Who listing.

For instance, there are different aspects of The Hamptons. Quogue is “The Non-Hampton.” Southampton is “Classic.” Bridgehampton is deemed “Bucolic.” East Hampton? “Ritzy,” of course. And then there is Montauk, the “Laid Back Hampton.” 

There is no “Poor Hampton.”  You can’t have everything.

Quest tells you what’s what in each part of The Hamptons. Where to stay ... the signature drink ... the recognizable faces ... the preferred pets ... the go-to restaurants ... how various Hampton-ites keep in shape ... mode of transport and even the most overheard phrase.  (None of these phrases include “How can we afford this?”)

I can’t give you the entire list, but here are some tips that might be useful.
IF you’re in Quogue your drink is Mount Gay Tonic on the rocks. (And here I thought that was the Fire Island libation.)  You will ride a bike ... jog ... play tennis ...visit the Quogue Library ... possibly spot Eli Manning or Michael J. Fox. Take an interest in the Quogue Junior League Theater Troupe. You will dote on a Cockapoo puppy.
IN Southampton you stay fit at Barry’s Bootcamp ... guzzle Sea Breeze ... make a point to stop off at Southampton Arts Center (where you might run into Calvin Klein or Tory Burch) ... bring your Golden Retriever ... you’ll drive a Mercedes G-Class to your daily golf.
Bridgehampton offers Pierre’s as the restaurant of choice ... a Jeep will get you where you want to go ... wine-tasting is the activity of choice (make sure you go to that wine tasting with a designated driver!) ... the most overheard phrase is “I picked up some pies from Round Swamp for tonight” ... Jimmy Fallon will be having pie, Madonna likely not ... the best place to stay is Topping Rose House, where I am sure your French Bulldog will be welcome.
EAST Hampton’s favorite activity is shopping (well, it is the “Ritzy” Hampton.)  You’ll drink Southsides (gin, lime juice, simple syrup and mint) ... dine at The Palm ... attend the Summer Gala at Guild Hall ... people will often say, “My family’s been members of The Maidstone since 1891” (although I don’t know if either Katie Couric or Steven Spielberg feel compelled to say this) ... that beach-ready form will be toned at the Tracy Anderson studio, but just remember — your beloved Yorkie loves you for who you are, not how you look.
FINALLY there’s Montauk. You’ll arrive in a Land Rover Defender with a Black Labrador and a surf board ... if surfing doesn’t keep you fit enough, head to Gurney’s for a Pilates classes ... everybody loves Montauk Summer Ale, maybe even Jimmy Buffet or Ralph Lauren ... you must visit the Montauk Lighthouse and spend your Sunday’s at the Surf Lodge ... Navy Beach is the popular eatery, but if you are dining at home, pick up something fresh at Gosman’s Retail Fish Market.  And if nothing else appeals, there’s always the Montauk Yacht Club. No, you don’t have to have a yacht.  You can charter a boat, or stay on dry land, riding a horse, beautifying at the spa, or indulging in other “modern amenities.”  But don’t stress. Remember, this is the “laid back” Hampton. Bring a lot of books and sunscreen.
Ah — not planning on The Hamptons this summer? Quest also has many words on Newport, as well.

However if you don’t have the time or means to escape Manhattan or its boroughs, why not go online and find Time Out New York’s big list of “The Best Things to Do In The Summer in NYC.” (This compiled by Jennifer Picht and Jillian Anthony.)

The sizzling, unforgiving concrete jungle offers so much that is delightful, spirit-lifting and very often, free! 
ENDQUOTE: "Spring flew swiftly by, and summer came; and if the village had been beautiful at first, it was now in the full glow and luxuriance of its richness ... The earth had donned her mantle of brightest green; and shed her richest perfumes abroad. It was the prime and vigour of the year; all things were glad and flourishing." — Charles Dickens, “Oliver Twist.”
Contact Liz here.