Wednesday, September 6, 2017

No Holds Barred: Getting yours

Then ...
by Blair Sabol

It’s the pre-fall season, and the lineup already looks explosive (and I’m not talking about North Korea).  First of all, there are so many protests — who can keep up!  It used to be just “give peace a chance” demonstrations filled with pot smoke and tie-dye tops.

Now we have neo-Nazis dressed in white polo shirts and khakis or Gap neat jeans and button down shirts! Some even wore golf shirts.  But apparently Fred Perry (golf brand) and New Balance have recently denounced the white nationalists who have “declared a fondness” for their products.  We’ve come a long way from white robes and hoods!
Now ...
Then there are the Antifa groups wearing all black t-shirts, hoodies and masks.  But once the cops made them dump their Lone Ranger headgear, they all collapsed into instant arrests.  In this case, clothes didn’t make the man (or woman). Whichever movement you join (remember last fall’s “pussy hats” for the women’s march), it's all about “the look.”  How can NYC Fashion Week compete with all this street action and fashion statements.  Pick your cause, dress the part, and remember to carry the right accessory ... sign or mallet!
But I honestly can’t keep my protests straight.  Fascist and Antifa, White and Black, tall and short, men and women, gay and straight ... it goes on!  Last week the Cleveland police staged a national anthem protest in protest of the national anthem protestors at a football game.  Are you still with me?  At least the cop uniforms will let me see who’s who!

My fall shopping options better have the protests in mind; no jewelry, careful of the black hoodies (camouflage is over), but jeans are still safe.  What’s next, a concealed carry holster?  Is this the beginning of Anarchy Chic?  Where is Bobby Short singing “Autumn in New York” when you need him.  Personally I am so sick of wearing sneakers everywhere — I’d rather march in stilettos.  Maybe I’ll follow my fashion idol Melania and carry both stilettos and clean white sneakers.
Well, never mind street protest as today’s edgy entertainment — look at this year’s Burning Man event.  70,000 people gathered for a week of quirky car races, Mad Max costumes, lesbian lending library, unicorn cycling workout, spank bank, shrunken head workshop, and of course, “polegasms: get yours.”  Leave it to The Burn to tell us what our culture is dumping into!  Naturally, an artist took his life by jumping into the Burning Man fire on this year’s final night.  Ironically, it seems anti-climactic for this event.
But now we turn to the pre-fall highlight of celebrities and actual show biz.  And what do we have?  “Springsteen on Broadway” — which starts in October and has already been extended to a whopping 10-week engagement through February.  And get this, tickets start at $350 but are now topping out at $7500.

Never mind the ticket prices — we already had Bette Midler’s “star vehicle” Hello Dolly teach us all about the price of a Celebrity limited run.  I hear people are still paying $800 - $8000 a seat for the divine Miss M, and she isn’t stopping till December — an eight-month sell-out!
Many of the Springsteen fans I know (like Bette loyalists) will pay the price and go many times.  Other Springsteenistas have told me that they love his music but can’t stand his boring monologue rambles! It’s a deal breaker — I say wait till HBO or Netflix films the whole engagement and watch it in the comfort of your bed and jammies ... like the rest of the real entertainment world!

But another big bucket ticket is Hilary Clinton’s “What Happened” book tour.  For a mere $3,000, you can hear her read and do “shtick” in the front row with a private meet and greet, photo and book signing back stage!  (I’d rather accidentally meet her in the woods ...)  Is this a book signing or a campaign fundraiser?  The tour towns include Montreal, Vancouver, Toronto (so much Canada?), Broward County, Florida ($375 is the low ticket price there), Chicago, and no doubt L.A.  She hits NYC on Nov 1st — get ready to seriously stand in line.

Actually, I cant imagine Hilary not guest hosting SNL. What a book promotion!  She can even re-enact the “Trolling Trump” debate with Alec Baldwin and get to actually turn to him and scream, “Back up you creep!”  (By the way, that line is supposedly now a book tour t-shirt).  She will bring down the house and boost sales.  If she doesn’t do a SNL stint with Baldwin — she will have blown it once again.

In the meantime — people are already beginning to wonder who will be Time Magazine’s “Man of the Year.”  Will it be Kim Jong Un? (too obvious)  The Eclipse (too other-worldly — though memorable) or Hurricane Harvey (the winner?)

Just remember, it’s just the beginning of the Season of the Witch — and we still have plenty of time to kill(?)