Tragedy. A 17-year-old boy jumped to his death from the 11th floor dance studio of the Dalton School this past week. He died on impact. There were younger school children having a recess within a few feet of where he landed on the cement with a sound like a gunshot in front of the school on East 89th Street between Lexington and Park Avenue.
A man I know who was walking his dog, had just passed the spot a few seconds before. The boy’s body remained uncovered for the first forty-five minutes, for any and all to see the horror life had wrought for the young man. Or rather, the horror the young man had somehow been feeling about his life.
It was later reported that the boy had first been discovered by a teacher after the Third Period on his way to the 11th floor school dance studio. When questioned as to where he was going, he responded he was just going to hang-out for a while. The studio was unoccupied at that moment – something he must have known, for when he got there he removed one of the bars over one window, removed his schoolbag and his jacket and exited through the window.
He was the son of a single parent, a woman who brought up him and his brother without father. That morning at home he was in good spirits and even asked his mother to save some of the night before’s leftovers for when he came home from school.
He was a good looking boy, an excellent student, some say a genius; a science wonk who in some ways was so advanced that in one of his classes, the teacher learned something from him. He had invented a rubik's cube that was so complex even his teachers couldn’t figure it out and had to be shown by him. He was also a member of the school’s varsity football team and the creator of its web site – all qualities of the highest order and most idealistic in the teen-age academia.
How many of us would have liked to have had that combination of assets at his age. Every boy’s dream; we like to think. For this boy, however, as it often can be, there was also an unobserved and unknown burden.
The only question arises: why? Would anybody know? Maybe a shrink -- if there had been one. But maybe not. Maybe the mother had an idea. Or someone close to the boy. But only maybe. Because from all I’ve learned, there was no sign of distress in his behavior before he left for school that morning. If anything he seemed to be anticipating the future of the day. Yet obviously he had already considered the possibilities of that studio room and those windows on the 11th floor at that hour in the school day. There was most likely some consideration of it beforehand, maybe many times beforehand.
Our dreams and aspirations and disappointments at that age are often a combination of our own and somebody else’s. It is the latter that most often sets us up for self-disappointment or the sense that life or one’s self is either hopeless or worthless. It is easy to make a guess what the burden might have been for this boy, but they are only guesses.
What we do know is that this is the fourth suicide to occur in the past year in the private school system in New York. All four were boys. Suicide is a consideration that at times occupies the thoughts of many of us over the course of a lifetime, as well as in our youth first experiencing the turbulence of growing up.
This boy was attending one of the top (and most expensive) private schools in New York, and so he was by socio-economic standards, a very privileged child compared to most of his contemporaries. He was also growing up in what is a highly competitive and highly materialistic environment. Everything is about the winning. In short time there is little or nothing left for the pleasure of the experience of learning or playing the game. No stopping to smell the roses. Or even the coffee. Yet it is not without irony that in this sphere of economic privilege, at least for some, there is a decided disadvantage cast most ominously upon the bloom of youth. Having it all does not mean having it all, no matter the age. |