Tuesday, November 5, 2013

No Holds Barred - The REAL New Year's Eve

Halloween as the REAL New Year's Eve
By Blair Sabol


I always think of Halloween as the REAL New Years Eve. It always feels like the end of every year. It’s about this moment when people start saying, “let’s wait till after January to ... (fill in the blank).

Even in my Southwest location, “Day of the Dead” is a celebratory, colorful, graveyard Big Finale! But this year’s “Orange is the new Black” festivities feels very different. Halloween costume sales were down — even pumpkin patch and leaf changing trips have been off.

There’s a horrible holiday hustle that started early October for Black Friday. Macy’s is opening Thanksgiving Day along with Target and Walmart and everyone else is in their door buster sale bonanza. Desperation is in the air.
My astrologer Michael Lutin has been reporting (due to some multiple eclipse action) that our culture isn’t even depressed (that was last year) and that “we are now way past that, we are ‘flat-lined’.” He calls it “Zilchville” — we are neither here nor there as a third-rate nation and a 10th-rate culture! We are now lost in translation. Jobs are dumping while the Dow is dancing.

We are caught in an odd cross current and no one cares. Denial now rules. So does Xanax. Is this a new form of Rome burning? Or are we merely stuck in neutral for safety’s sake? Certainly our cultural bar has been set so low — we no longer even have a bar.

Fashion pals have complained to me that they are not eating as much and juicing more. Living on empty. The stores, runways, on-line and catalog shopping hold nothing for no one. Everyone is sticking with last year’s black puffer jackets, lean jeans, riding boots and ponytails through baseball hats.

Merchants are already sensing a lackluster holiday season — no matter how low that 92-inch flatscreen is priced. In fact, all those giant sales appear to be so old news that no one “can get it up” to care anymore. Diversion no longer “calls” us.
Maybe next last year ...
And speaking of “getting it up,” it was reported two weeks ago that the 16-30-year-old “New Japan (45% of women) are not interested and despise all sexual contact.” More than a quarter of the men feel the same and this trend is now taking hold in Asia, Europe and America!

People are marrying much later or not at all. It seems the girls are more taken with job ambition while the guys are just “going along for the ride” in a passive state. Celibacy has become the hot alternative. No wonder the new Pope is now such a rock star — he has tapped into a real market for himself! According to this Japanese report, many would rather go home alone and masturbate than pal around and get it on with anyone else.

Britney Spears whipping ... Nicki Minaj bra-less ... and Rihanna filling in with whatever exposed body part she can.
Lady Gaga is flat-lined.
Last week USA Today had a front page piece on the shock of “Selling Sex: Has Show Biz pressure gone too far?” After all we have “Britney Spears whipping women on leashes; Nicki Minaj bra-less and spilling out on The Ellen Show, and Rihanna fills in with whatever exposed body part she can.”

One wonders if it is actually affecting the kids, let alone the public since we have seen it all for so long. Porn performances are merely the daily fare of late. I have a theory that performers like Miley and Rihanna are not all that hot to trot behind the Red Carpet. It is all about marketing and narcissism.

Madonna
was the first to teach us all that. But unlike Marilyn Monroe who really was looking for love in all the wrong places — none of these current Sex Bombs seem to be working the casting couches or even tapping into high level senators and billionaires. Face it, they are too busy working their naked asses off and then dumping into rehab. Who wants to spend the time actually getting laid? Now ... that’s WORK!

While the performers are into such “shock and awe” — the audience is into “drop and roll.” Last week the new much heralded designer of Schiaparelli Couture — Marco Zanini insisted, “Shock value is now irrelevant. We’ve seen too much of it. Lady Gaga is flat-lined.” Actually I recently heard Lady Gaga was helping performance artist Marina Abramovic open a cultural/Art/Spa/Retreat/Institute. Even though Gaga stripped down to nothing in a show last week she recently had hip surgery — at 27. Obviously “over twerking” has become an occupational hazard.

And then we have comments from 67-year-old Sex Goddess Suzanne Somers (formally the ditzy, booby “Chrissy” of Three’s Company): “Miley is just young ... I’m actually admiring what she’s doing. It’s her brand of sex, drugs and rock ’n roll — that’s where she wants to go.”

This said by a businesswoman who is currently selling hormones to women over 60 to inspire them to get their periods back and to get laid as much as possible. Somers must be drowning in her own “Boogie Night” hot tub as many of these women are struggling with cancer threatening (hormone related) ailments and feel guilty about NOT wanting to “twerk-text” their lubricated vaginas to anyone at this time in their lives.

Who's the “Man-ager"?
Meanwhile getting nude to be noticed has left feminist Gloria Steinem feeling “Women have to make these decisions. I think we need to change the culture — not blame the people that are playing the only game that exists.” Unless you are The Kardashians.

According to rumors — it’s not just a “break up” going on with The Jenners. It might be about setting a new world record for role reversal; as Bruce becomes more of a woman (too much plastic surgery) Chris has become more of a “Man-ager” in her family empire. (Japan, are you watching and learning?) After all there is already a huge interest in women wearing men’s clothes this year. And this is NOT about lipstick lesbians.

Perhaps the only couple left still working the “traditional roles” is ironically Kim Kardashian (the new blonde siren who made a record of appearing on 5 major news magazine covers in one week) who continues to twitter pictures of her naked ass as a “new mom.” While Kanye majors in trash mouthing to crowds while his entourage gets arrested. Are they the new “Liz and Dick?”

Interesting that as our culture suffers from a case of “the Blahs,” violence and rage are on the rise in films and TV. Meanwhile porn has taken a hit and a slide with the recent HIV outbreak and scare.

Just where are the predicted “good times”? Forget the joke of Obamacare and the stupidity of our government shutdowns. No one really cares about any of that. And certainly no one wants to become a political leader or go into politics anymore. Who honestly wants to do that?

Oprah
already taught us well that to have your own talk show/reality show is FAR more powerful. Clearly Ronan Sinatra Farrow got THAT message with his own new MSNBC talk show.

And this is all on top of Alan Greenspan recently announcing, “our politics is broke.” No kidding. Then again, Obamacare was THE artistic reason “Breaking Bad” caught all of our hearts and minds. Remember it was about a mild mannered chemistry teacher from Albuquerque turned “meth cooker” to pay for his outrageously expensive cancer treatment. And look what happened to that “flatlined” White Family.

A doctor told me the current "blah" feeling might be “the calm before the freak-out.” An impending explosion of “fear and loathing” (where is Hunter S. Thompson when you need him). He said that though Ativan and Xanax are being used at an all-time high, and "most of it isn’t even working for patients anymore.”

Well — this would go along with the rise of Zombies and Walking Dead. Maybe this deluxe tune-out is the reason pedophilia has become so prevalent. Since we are all so comatose, what new insanity could possibly get our attention?

Well ... here’s a stretch. Something really caught my sleepy eye last week. There is a fashion line starting out in Santa Barbara called “Best Dressed Monk” (www.bestdressedmonk.com). You are going to hear plenty about it. At the moment it’s only for men but women’s designs are coming (and they will not be the pretentious minimal layers of Eileen Fisher or the flame-out fad of Lululemon). These are simple and elegant jackets, trousers, shirts, scarves and luggage made of great rich colored silk and cottons and wools.

Think Armani after a month in Tibet!! The price point is moderate to high — $195 for shirts and $700 for jackets. Married founder/designers Kira and Allen Gold have not just landed on a line, but a real reflection and philosophy of our times. This is NOT a look for just yoga teacher trainers, kale juicers, and green tea advocates. Best Dressed Monk has an exquisite genuineness to it.

As Allen sees it, “the focus of menswear for years has been personal power, authority and wealth. Think Don Draper ... but today’s man no longer needs that illusion of power. His worth is not all about appearances — It is more a statement of what lies within. It is now all about how a guy carries himself — how he is in relationships, what his overall character is and thus his personal choice in how he presents himself.”
A selection of Best Dressed Monk goodies ...
Obviously Gold did his own extensive spiritual trek and self-exploration He is 53 and knows from which he speaks and doesn't resemble Hugh Jackman or George Clooney. "Years ago in order for people to get to know their inner selves or even 'God' they would leave society ... becoming monks or nuns. They denounced the world. I don't think that's true anymore" (Even the Dali Lama "works" and does meets and greets, Bar Mitzvahs and weddings).

"I think people want to find that connection in themselves as themselves in society." Gold adds, "So if you think you are real and enlightened ... at least dress the part.  You don't have to be a closet weekend monk or yogi — just show up as You — the world needs You."
Wow! After reading the Best Dressed Monk’s credo — I’m all for putting my money on Celibacy Chic!

So all you fashionable Shock Jock and Jockettes ... zip up your pants and tuck in your “Ya-Yas” and “Ta-Tas” cause the party’s over, and you’re a bore!!! Let’s all go home ... alone, find our true selves, and start dressing authentically classy.
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