We interviewed Nina Griscom on a different day to the photo shoot – and she didn’t dress up for us: no make up, hair scraped back in a pony tail, an old sweatshirt. (She did have a very large rock on her finger though). She wasn’t at all rude but she really didn’t care what we thought of her appearance and had no need to project something other than who she was. She has a fabulous smoky voice and she answered our questions with great eloquence and as much honesty as she could, given her guarded nature with journalists who have frequently depicted her as a superficial socialite. When she does glamour, she does it well but you’d be a fool to underestimate her and a fool not to join in the fun that she can surely supply when she wants to.
I read somewhere that you really hate the word ‘socialite’ and I’m interested to know why.
I don’t think it’s very depictive. First of all, what does it say? It’s not a job description. To me I’ve always associated it as a pejorative term for someone whose job description is supposed to be getting ready for a party.
If you were to describe yourself, how would you do so?
The owner of a business, the mother of a 13-year-old.
But you like parties.
Less and less. I liked parties as much as anybody else in my day, but I think as one ages, one has done it to death. The luster completely wears off. For me it’s not the same anymore. I mean my interests have changed, where I want to spend my time has changed, and who I want to spend it with has changed. I haven’t been to a club in years. As you grow older it’s not what you’re looking for in life.
What are you looking for?
Well something that’s more authentic. I think as you get older you give yourself permission to do something that’s authentic. When you’re young everything’s a series of firsts … and certainly that period in the 80s, there were a lot of people coming on the scene then. It was like a feeding frenzy. It takes you in too many directions. I’m just passionate about what I do – going to auctions, traveling, antique fairs, researching on the web.
How good are you at being alone?
Very. I have two sides, and I suspect a lot of us do, where I love being with people but I also cherish my alone time. Sometimes I’m very ferocious about it. If I don’t get my alone time I can become very nasty and resentful.
What bores you?
That would be rude to whatever I would say. I’ve made it clear what I like to do.
You were married to a plastic surgeon for a very long time – that gives you an unusual perspective on cosmetic surgery. What are your thoughts on that?
I think it can be a very positive thing, much like therapy. It can help a person with self esteem issues. With the right ethics attached to it, it’s a very positive thing. But again when it is morphed into Michael Jackson and others who have used it as tool to do work that really ought to be done in other aspects of [their lives], it can be abused like anything else.
Where does it cross over from self-esteem into narcissism? How do you know when that line has been crossed?
Well I think instead of preserving [looks] [rather than] when people seek to do witness relocation …when people look to surgery to replace what is missing in their lives, that’s an indication too. If you’re doing that as a way to attract a man or find love, that’s not the right motivation. If you just want to keep things fresh and your self respect is already in place, then that’s okay.
You seem very relaxed, a very confident person. Have you always been confident?
No. I tend to hold my fears and my pain very privately. When I’m out there, I’m out there and I try to project somebody that’s upbeat and making an effort, or I don’t and I stay home and cry. I’ve been really lucky. I’m extremely close to my mother [Elizabeth Rohatyn] and a couple of really close friends that I went to school with. I speak to my mother constantly. She lives a block away from here and we’re neighbors in Southampton. She’s totally on my side but she’s tough. She’s not going to coddle, she’s not going to flatter or ice any cake.
I guess if you don’t have those kinds of people who really know you, you can’t reference yourself, you’re lost.
Right. It eliminates a lot of bullshit too. If somebody is your friend, A) the mask comes off, you are who you are and B) if you get out of line, if they love you they will say ‘get a grip.’
How strict was your mother when you were a teenager?
Ooh wow! She was tough! Tough as nails! But she was right. Make-up, piercing my ears, coming home late at night … you name it. I would never have dared talk back to her. I was her only child.
How successful were you at disobeying her?
Pretty good. As good as I could be. I mean she’d met her match and I’d met mine. It was really just a contest of wills and that gets exhausting. And now I understand.
You’re just beginning (with your daughter)!
Oh God yeah! Now I completely see it. In the beginning I had my mother’s voice in my head when I was reacting to my child but now I have to realize times are so totally different. You have to be appropriate to the times whilst maintaining values. You can’t put your kid over your knee and spank them with a hairbrush or wash their mouth out with soap if they say ‘fuck you.’ (She hasn’t said that yet). Theoretically you’re supposed to be the adult and they’re supposed to be the kid but you want to take off your gloves and fight them like an adult but you can’t do that!
They have this hotwire to your central nervous system.
How good are you at handling failure or rejection?
Hmm … again back to this business of how I hold things very privately. I feel it really strongly because I’m a perfectionist and I’m working on being easier on myself. I also have a large degree of pride … I will absolutely admit to those close to me whatever the failing is or disappointment or humiliation … um … but I haven’t historically shown that. I guess I’ve worked hard to show exactly the opposite. And I’ve realized that that, in terms of my daughter … my intention is to appear strong and to withstand anything but it’s not a very appealing quality in some ways to not have any perceived vulnerabilities.
There was a very cruel picture of you on Page Six that I saw recently …
Well, the one I saw was you wearing a very low-cut dress and you were very exposed … you were grinning and you looked … foolish …
Obviously that was the intention.
But my question is, how do live with that kind of mean intent?
It’s horrifying of course, nobody likes that. You know I get as hurt by it and as pissed off by it as any other person. And the only way that you toss it off is to look at the nature of where it’s coming from. Everybody knows this is a trash can. And that’s just an unfortunate part of the territory of just being out there. I certainly don’t want to be thought of as stupid or frivolous but I am irreverent, clearly. And I can be very bombastic and so that can lead to interpretations …it can lead to the truth being of context.
But you are an extrovert.
You can be careful where you exhibit that. You can leash it back in. What I can do in this room being totally flippant or irreverent, you can see from the way I’m delivering it, the cadence, the tone of voice, the expression on my face that I’m just being flippant or silly that there was no intent of malice or mockery. But if that appears in print there’s a subtext it takes on that takes it to a whole different interpretive level. And I’m not looking to grab a headline. I’ve been outrageous, I admit it, but I’ve never done these things to attract attention.
Why have you been outrageous?
I don’t know. You answer that for me.
Can you give us some idea of your day?
There is no specific pattern. Every day is different, which is wonderful. When you’re self-employed, as I always have been, that’s one of the aspects I love about it. I do a lot of research on the computer in the morning, I speak with my suppliers and my customers, it could also be dealing with samples of my new candles, smelling them and burning them, thinking of names and what not. I spend a few hours in my store … um … what else? I don’t have that many lunches but when I do it’s 90 percent one on one. Try and get to the gym when I can … treadmill and weights blah blah … I hate it.
Are you careful about what you eat? Do you love to eat?
I go on spurts. I love to eat. I mean that was another career I had for years, food critic on the Food Network.
What are your favorite restaurants?
I love Babbo. I adore Il Buco. There’s a sushi place called Karuma Zushi that’s fabulous. You could pay your mortgage for [the price] of one dinner there.
So let’s end with guilty pleasures, what would yours be?
Oh … um … mashed potatoes … and my man.