No Holds Barred: Butts, Boobs, and Billions

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Marilyn Monroe performs at birthday salute to President John F. Kennedy at Madison Square Garden, May 19, 1962. Cecil Stoughton. White House Photographs. John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum, Boston

Who doesn’t feel that the bubble is bursting? We have the edgy backdrop of Ukraine, and Covid surges, along with stocks nose diving and roller coastering, and gas sky rocketing. Presumably the “hurt” factor for many will come when gas finally hits $5 a gallon — it’s already $7 in some California cities. But so far, most people are out spending their savings on “pandemic pent-up privileges.” That would be travel.  Everyone is looking for an escape (even a new passport) to get away from the world’s tornado of instability.

My kitchen being hauled away.

Personally, I’m already in a giant whirlwind, and literally waiting for the dust to settle.  I am in the midst of a major house renovation and though it was exciting a month ago — now that I see my home’s DNA blasted all over the place — the party is over. It isn’t as traumatic as moving (no cartons or vans), but trust me, it is as soul stripping as moving.  My emotional guts are lost in the backdrop of today’s world.

I have exploded my living situation into smithereens and now I don’t want any of the original art and photos back up on my new bright shiny white walls. That’s how I feel today.  But within an hour that will all change. I am as variable as the Dow Jones averages.

I am sick of being told “you will forget the hardship of renovation and you will love it in the end.”  Believe me … I never forget upsets that last four months. “It’s like a painful childbirth. You forget it all for the love of a new baby.” I never gave birth and let’s not get too Roe v. Wade here.

I have been living in a construction site similar to a war zone.  None of it is romantic and I don’t even have Jill Biden, or Bono and Kamala Harris, or Sean Penn visiting me in my decimated kitchen to cheer me on.  It’s obvious that the Ukraine has become the celebrity photo opp. I wonder if the public really cares to see Nancy Pelosi teetering on her stiletto heels to shake Zelensky’s hand. Let’s hope all these celebrity handshakes help him out.

[Ukrainian Presidential Press Office via AP]

Meanwhile, speaking of radical change, it does look like Putin’s face is exploding with the seemingly losing war results. Rumors run daily that he has Parkinson’s and is gearing up for cancer surgery.  But is that face bloat meds or just Botox filler?  Nobody really knows.

Even the Royals are beginning to wobble. The Queen seems to be stepping down from the crown at 96 to let Charles and Will do her “Queenly” appearances.  They both look forlorn, and no one really knows what is going on with Elizabeth physically. Even Meghan and Harry are taking a hit as their mega streaming deals seem to be teetering.

The one personality who deems to have experienced a cultural resurgence is Marilyn Monroe. Warhol’s iconic portrait of her sold at Christie’s for a record breaking $195 million. So major art auctions are still bubbling up higher and higher.  Apparently, art values don’t move in tandem with the rest of the world’s security.

ANDY WARHOL (1928-1987), Shot Sage Blue Marilyn.

At the same time, Kim Kardashian finally admitted that the “Happy Birthday Mr. President” dress once owned by Marilyn (Kim wore it to the Met Gala) did not … I repeat DID NOT … fit over her infamous enhanced butt. Even though she admitted to brutally dieting for three weeks to get into it.

In the end, a group of conservationists, curators, archivists, and insurance agents from the Ripley Believe It or Not Museum (where the $5 million gown is on display) had to strategically unzip the complete back for her ass.  She wore a white fur jacket the whole time to cover and never did a spin or showed the back.

Kim takes on Marilyn. Sean Zanni/Patrick McMullan.

But she only had to stay stuffed in that gown for the “Geisha Walk” up the Met Steps.  She then immediately changed into a “copy” of another Marilyn dress by Norell.  This was all much ado about nothing and a cautionary tale.  Marilyn’s un-injected ass and natural boobs still looked better in that John Louis soufflé sequined design than Kim’s.

In fact, it really didn’t look like the same dress. Marilyn was rumored to have NOT worn any underwear under the dress. Kim’s was a feat of engineering, not fashion.  She didn’t even wear any Skims shapewear underneath.  So, what does that tell you about the concept of shapewear.  Imagine, Marilyn never had to wear any. Clearly Kim went under the needle or knife instead.

Later that night. @kimkardashian

I guess we are dealing with the concept of “what goes up must come down” — hopefully minus a crash.  Then I look at the gazillionaires and I wonder.  At least Elon Musk has some sense of humor and successfully hosted SNL.  He is actually involved with Twitter’s realignment and is helping the Ukraine with satellite internet service.  All we ever see or hear from Jeff Bezos is the $21 billion loss he experienced and pictures of him and his gal pal Lauren Sanchez on yachts and red carpets or rocket liftoffs sporting duo giant steroidal chests and cheek enhancements.

I guess butts, boobs, and billions go hand in hand, whether we are in boom or bust!

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