In our current scrolling for imaging world, we have hit a new low. It had to happen. We were living in pajamas for three years and now the luxe world has decided that casual chic is just fine. That means cashmere hoodies and joggers, “kick” stretchy trousers, and of course sneakers for one and all. Now it’s called “lazy luxury.” Lazy or slob? We’ve lost our bodies to “slip on” engineering. Slip on pants, pull on “skim” bras (no contour), and laceless shoes.
Men have really gone downhill since the UNTUCKit brand arrived. Comfort is fine but balloon fit is not. Yet look at the “caviar class” on their private jets all sporting their multiple pairs of Zegna triple stitch “sneakers” at $950 a pair. Apparently, status “in cabin” Instagram photos are of guys crossing their feet in their Zegnas or Loro Piana’s Open Walks and Summer Walks styles.
This is a $500 step up from surfing Vans and stretchy Skechers. But the latter lost its luster as more people kept smashing the soft heels down to make them “slip ONS.” The “dress sneaker” is an epidemic. Now nobody is turned away at a high-end event for wearing “tennis shoes” (by the way, “sneakers” are not loafers!).
Look at our political leaders (do we have to?). Recently in a major Oval Office meeting with President Biden — there was Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy, Senator Mitch McConnell, and Representative Hakeem Jeffries all wearing sneakers. Is this some kind of lapse in dignity? As one Twitter critic wrote “four guys, no ties, three pairs of sneakers in the Oval Office. The country is going to hell.”
But is it that bad? After all Ted Lasso star Jason Sudeikis and his cast mates wore them to the Oval Office in March to discuss mental health.
And speaking of mental health… We have Pennsylvania Senator John Fetterman speaking at a congressional news conference dressed in a giant white hoodie, cargo shorts, and sneakers. He had four Democratic colleagues standing with him all in suits and ties. “Fetterman’s people” say his “relaxed comfortable style” is a “sign that the Senator is making a robust recovery” after six weeks of in-patient treatment at Walter Reed hospital.
“He’s setting a new dress code,” joked Vermont senator Peter Welch. “He was struggling and now he’s a joyful person to be around.” Alabama senator Kate Britt said, “This shows you the differences that treatment can make — it’s incredible to see.”
For whom? Is this the start of “treatment chic?” Schlubbery is winning again. This “depression fashion” is the “on message” visual from DC. Maybe it’s real.
And here I’ve been embarrassed walking my dog at all hours in my pajamas with bed head and unwashed pillow smashed face. I kept thinking my neighbors would report me as a Baby Jane nut case.
Obviously, optics rule … everywhere for everyone. We have our weekly dosage of Goop guru Gwyneth Paltrow showing her court appearance wardrobe of Row $5,000 coats and $800 combat boots. Or how about wearing her $150 undershirt while explaining her rectal ozone therapy for the ultimate in wellness. Don’t ask. At least she didn’t actually demonstrate that treatment and what she wears.
Last week we had two examples of celebrities bearing it all for eyeballs and clicks and it wasn’t a member of the Kardashian clan. We had Jeff Bezos and his gal pal Lauren Sanchez on their new $500 million yacht — “loving it up” and announcing their engagement with the giant $2.5 million ring.
Jeff went topless showing his taut pecks, Popeye biceps and bulging thighs. Lauren was busy stretching and posing displaying her enlarged breasts, exploding buttocks, and matching inflated lips — all in a pink string bikini. Obviously, they use the same plastic surgeon and maybe that doctor was a guest on the boat to keep all that uplift going with the three biggest full-blown masts. The yacht is named Koru, dedicated to their “new beginnings.” There’s even a curvaceous figurehead resembling Lauren at the helm.
Clearly Bezos paid for all the “hottie” spread — from their helicopter arrival to the “sun lounge” strip show at the boat railing. Bezos and Sanchez have been a Daily Mail regular feature for three years of their “get a room” extravagant lifestyle and cleavage busting optics. I guess the message is “when you’ve got it … flaunt it.” But the sliding economy timing seems weird. The constant steroidal visuals of “bigger is better” is beginning to sag into “enough already.”
What happened to “flying under the radar?” I guess no one wants to go that low to the ground.
Then we had Martha Stewart appearing on the cover of Sports Illustrated bathing suit issue. I thought it was brilliant, and so on-brand for Martha. After all, her ear is always on the cultural Zeitgeist. She has gone from lifestyle guru to Snoop Dogg CBD gummies endorser to being the ambassador of Skechers new hit — their “slip on” footwear “engineered” for no bending down to remove or put on.
Now THIS is a real “gangsta ambassador.”
And don’t forget, she served time in prison, her inmates loved her, and she is now more successful than ever. I sometimes think maybe she should run for president (not Michelle nor Hillary nor Oprah). Look at what she can do — and okay, okay so she is a relentless perfectionist and a bully. Who isn’t?!
I was surprised at all the pushback from some Sun City geriatrics; “Doesn’t she know when to say no? Why does she feel she has to support “81 is the new 25” with fillers, full body makeup, professional photographer and a small army of stylists?” I think they missed the point.
Martha was not saying 81 is the new 25; and her pictures were fabulous of her real body. Her boobs had natural sag, her inner thighs and underarms were appropriately slackened, her waist was a bit thick. She wore great bathing suits. After all, she admitted she feverishly watched her food intake, did Pilates three times a week, and had kale drinks for breakfast.
As for plastic surgery, she did a few injections but it’s obvious this was no “Cher” type heavy lifting. Martha addressed all of this. She admitted she had great hair and was a model, so she knew how to position herself and project in front of a camera. Martha is a pro! What’s the problem?
This had nothing to do with regaining her youth. It was a visual of “maintaining” what she has left … at the highest level. OK, so maybe her skin crepes were airbrushed — there was enough reality there. And she clearly had a fun time.
I celebrate Martha stripping down. I don’t get singer Lizzo, who now has her own omnipresent Yitty bathing suit line and wants you to know. Lizzo is supposedly 306 pounds, which many doctors will tell you isn’t exactly “healthy.”
But columnist Matt La Bash observed the madness in seeing her “dimpled jelly rolls hanging over her thong like a pastry assortment laid out at your least favorite bakery, as the body-positivists try to bully us into celebrating the ‘healthiness’ of her obesity.”
Lizzo says she is giving her fans “everything they want” in her swimmer line. I’m not sure what that means. Maybe “everything” is really too much. And let’s strike the idea of “letting it all hang out” being the ultimate in freedom. Stick it all back in … please.
I’m beginning to think maybe it’s time for some people to disappear. Or let AI handle their imagery. Look at Clint Eastwood who hasn’t been seen in 408 days — sparking fears of his health. He finally appeared on his daughter’s Instagram page playing with his grandson and looking every inch 92.
Or what about the recent photos of Pope Francis wearing a fabulous Balenciaga white puffer coat, sunglasses, and white gloves and even sneakers. He never looked better. It was revealed to be a “deep fake” created by AI.
The caption read, “The boys in Brooklyn could only hope for that level of drip.”
Get ready … AI might become the karma kickback to our optic addiction.
