No Holds Barred: Desperate Attention Disorder!

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Titian, Venus and the Lute Player, ca. 1565–70.

At least speaker Nancy Pelosi graciously ended her run by referring to “there’s a time and a season.” And hers is now over. Time to appropriately exit left. But where does that leave us? More grid lock, recession, inflation, Russian threats and what about a giant booty called Big Ass Energy (more on that later).

Exactly what new season are we all entering? Politics of style always rules in the end. But have we reached a new desperate level? As 82-year-old Pelosi leaves us looking terrific in her gem-colored dresses and pantsuits, matching stiletto heels and masks, and her gumball pearl necklaces — we now have 53-year-old John Fetterman showing up on his first Senate Day in his one and only suit. Why doesn’t he continue to do his “Lurch look” of Carhartt hoodies, basketball shorts, work boots and a full tattooed arm of his zip code. After all, his wardrobe has been one of his major messages. He has said “wearing a suit doesn’t make me any smarter.” Meanwhile he is wearing his only Big and Tall jacket to his swearing in and time will tell if Anna Wintour calls him for a fashion cover or as a runway guest at the next Met Gala.

Goodbye Nancy; Hello John!

So, what of the current booty issue? Not necessarily a political statement, but it seems big asses have arrived and been thriving for some time. Helped by Cardi B, Nikki Minaj, and of course every Kardashian. Choose your favorite rear view shape; heart, round, square — who can keep up? Who can keep IT up?

Curator and writer Heather Radke has now documented all this buns of steel history and bootyliciousness in her Butts: A Backstory. She says, “butts are a bellwether … a pseudoscience marked by racism and drag padding.” Apparently, this is another “moving forward” story. Janell Hobson, Professor in the Department of Women’s, Gender and Sexuality Studies at the University at Albany, believes we are definitely vying for which natural body is going to identify us moving forward – all American blonde ideal and the black or mixed race by booty ideal.” I am dizzy in all this tailspin.

Back to “moving forward” to a “new season” of life and style. The person most confused seems to be 65-year-old Madonna who keeps Instagramming her naked body and fresh face work weekly. She has become her own narcissistic booty call. One week she was topless, the next week she was featuring her new wide ass bent over and even her vagina was given a sneak preview.

What happened to “Like a Virgin?” Is it supposed to be the new “Like a Grandma?” How about “Like a Prayer.” What is the takeaway here? Are we past dominatrix porn? And to what exactly? Even her fans are protesting “Stop the ick factor.” Meanwhile her face has become distorted with a very pointy chin and angular cheek bones. Her lips now have a life of their own. One fan even wrote, “No one wants to see an old lady in her underwear — even if it is Madonna” (really this is the latest version of Sunset Boulevard). She needs an intervention, but by whom?

Oh your love thawed outYeah, your love thawed outWhat was scared and cold …

It has been reported that there is a huge Adderall shortage and though many people take that for ADHD reasons, others indulge for extra energy. Maybe this is the reason so many people have been acting beyond desperate.

Recently a 65-year-old “Jane Doe” came out and accused 85-year-old Warren Beatty of raping her at 14. I feel for Warren on this one. Obviously, I don’t know the facts, but I do know everyone loved Warren 50 years ago. He made a name for himself at the time for bedding all the great and near-great ladies and many of my friends. No one complained. Joan Collins got pregnant by him and had an abortion. She never trashed him. Cher admitted to having an affair with him at age 16. In 1992, he married well to much admired Annette Bening.

Warren seduced the world and was a great filmmaker. He was known for his class, for being a gentleman. He had high regard for women. Now we have to hear all this retread 50 years later and it’s amazing the players are still alive (let alone the importance of it all). But this is the season of desperate attempts for a 2-minute (not even the classic Warholian 15 minutes) of social media scroll attention.

Daughter Isabel Beatty and brother Benjamin celebrating dad’s 85th birthday.

And speaking of social media churn, we now have the King of social media, Prince Harry. He is publishing his autobiography Spare. Some people are already reacting with “Spare Me.”

Harry and Meghan could do a workshop (actually that’s what they’ve been doing for three years) on Desperation Attention Disorder.” No Adderall here. But the need to “set the record straight” has become overwhelming and sad. And most of all Boring. We already have 5 seasons of The Crown. The current season “Charles and Diana” has not been popular. I think because we all actually lived through it and who wants to see a reenacted version. Even with sexy Dominic West playing Charles. It seems Harry and Meghan have their own Netflix series in the can. When can this all stop or are we that desperate as viewers.

Lastly, there is Donald Trump. Would you call his current run at Presidency “Desperate Attention Disorder” or “give him what’s owed as leader.” I think we are all politically exhausted and need a serious intermission. I do hope there isn’t a Netflix version of Trump’s life and times. Honestly, he is already playing that out in real time. I guess he sees himself as his own action hero.

Last week I heard Arizona Governor candidate (and loser) Kari Lake praise Ron DeSantis and Donald Trump for “having BDE . It’s a sign of leadership” (BDE – Big Dick Energy). I thought that only applied to comedian Pete Davidson for hooking up with so many celebrities in the last six months. So, forget the Big Booties, we now have a new season of Big Dicks!

But stand back and pray Madonna doesn’t show us hers.

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