Last month I watched two documentaries that enlightened me about two female icons. In two very different ways. They were Diane von Furstenberg: Woman in Charge (Hulu) and Faye (HBO) about Faye Dunaway and her body of work. Neither films were infomercials, but both let you see sides of their enormous personalities in very personal ways.
With Diane von Furstenberg’s life, it all seemed so effortless — to go from a Belgian daughter of a concentration camp survivor to a fashion phenom who changed the world with a wrap dress. But then the movie gets past the Studio 54 era of her life and into her “survivor” modes of keeping her sinking business afloat and her family alive in New York City. On the way, she exposes her bisexuality and her admitted absence in her children’s lives, plus battling her own war with tongue cancer. All with great style and the unbeatable inner strength of a Mack truck. Even her controversial marriage to mogul Barry Diller (is he gay or not or who cares?) was considered a celebration of true friendship (“he gave her money, she gave him style” so said pal Andy Warhol).
Von Furstenberg admitted she lived her life “as a man in a woman’s body” and she did it like Sinatra singing “My Way.” She ended up living three fiercely independent lives in three deluxe locations — New York City, Venice and Beverly Hills. And she concentrates on being one of the biggest philanthropists for women’s issues. But what I really liked is that she lived her 78 years without doing a single thing to her face or body. It was refreshing and reassuring just to see her do THAT. “My face carries all my memories, why should I erase it? I am afraid I won’t recognize myself in the mirror.” She’s a hero for me on that decision alone.
In Max’s “Faye,” you get an up-close hardcore diva in your face for 90 minutes. Faye was always known to be “difficult.” There is a clip of Bette Davis telling Johnny Carson that Faye was one of the worst actresses she ever worked with. “Anyone who has worked with her will tell you that,” added Davis. I guess it takes one to know one.
The movie starts with Faye blasting an assistant for bringing her water in a bottle and not a glass. Later she explains to the camera how detail-oriented she is about getting her visual just right. “You need time to get it all right, so you don’t appear frantic and nervous. I need to feel liberated, but meanwhile it is all so very tense…”
Later she confesses, “Now you see why I am the way I am.” DIFFICULT!! A true bitch!! No wonder she performed the role of Joan Crawford so brilliantly. But by watching Faye I understood the art form of being a successful bitch and why. Same for DVF — even if she seemed to have more humor about it all and soft-coated it all with more parties and fabric.
So “Faye” and von Furstenberg got me thinking about the changing idea of being a BITCH today. Remember how being described as a difficult bitch or a “piece of work” (Joan Rivers own self-description) was such a red flag until Bitchery started to have benefits. Now being a demanding and tough woman is standard fare and a requirement.
Last week the New York Times ran an essay by Jennifer Weiner entitled “We Owe Shannon Doherty an Apology.” Doherty recently died of breast cancer at 53 and a lot of the obituaries included descriptions of her being “volatile,” and how much of an “unmanageable diva” she was. Weiner was saying that the current group of female celebrities are now being accepted and admired for all that “impolite behavior” and “boorish tactics” (hello, Madonna) — and all this because we live in a “new sensitive culture.”
Being rude and acting entitled is now acceptable and excused for rough lives lived. So, give a pass to Britney Spears, Megan Fox and maybe Beyoncé (known for outrageous demands) and even Cardi B with her “Wet Ass Pussy” career. It’s been said we needed the current hardcore “bitches” and “bad girls” to settle the score with a lot of toxic men. Like Bette Davis — it takes being a bitch to know a bitch. Ask Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who is now known as a BAD ASS.
This made me think, who were the classic Great Bitches? The Hall of Fame of Bitchery. Everyone has many; Leona Helmsley (“Queen of Mean,”) Lucille Ball, even Queen Elizabeth, who has known to be the iron hand in a velvet glove while her “Queen Mum” had a much more gin and tonic approach.
Almost every powerful woman was known as a bitch on wheels at some point. Nefertiti, Marie Curie, Jane Austen. It goes with the territory of fame but also a lot of personal struggles with neuroses, and bipolarism didn’t help.
Ironically Jackie Onassis didn’t earn a bitch title, either did Helen Gurley Brown. Neither was Cher or Dolly Parton. Hillary Clinton was not bitchy enough, and Elizabeth Taylor was adored for being a smart wise cracking bitch. Princess Diana was too sad to be a bitch. Katharine Hepburn was one tough bitch, but deeply respected. Diana Vreeland was a high styling bitch. Barbara Walters’ bitchery was accepted to allow her to score all her “Big Get” interviews. Barbra Streisand and Martha Stewart are now applauded for being stickler perfectionist bitches, but are both softening as they age. And while Anna Wintour is still holding the classic Biggest Bitch crown, none of the Kardashians have made that grade. Nor has Taylor Swift … yet?! And was Mother Teresa a true saint, or a bitch in drag?
And speaking of drag, the concept of “bitchery” has become exalted in being a cross-dressing queen. After all, look at what Dame Edna delivered. RuPaul is far from a bitch but has heralded a whole rainbow world of high-drag attitude. We’ve come a long way from Dynasty’s Joan Collins and Linda Evans cat fighting in a pond.
Now the language has “bitch switched.” And maybe so has the sex. When someone calls you “my bitch,” how does that put down really jive? According to writer Marcey Rizzetta we are in a new bitch phase; there is Basic Bitch and Bad Bitch. Bad is not derogatory, but a kind of step up.
According to Rizzetta: “Bad Bitch is a self-respecting strong female who has everything together. A woman who gets her way by any means.” She is not talking about the Bravo Housewives bitchdom. “Bad bitches don’t keep up appearances for others. They do it for themselves … they don’t compare themselves to others. Most importantly, they won’t compromise who they are …ever!!” Rizzetta ends her Bad Bitch credo with “Take me as I am or watch me walk the fuck away.” (Is there a thank you??)
So clearly, we are at a Bitch Crossroads. Personally, I’ll take “the classics.” But hold on … is Kamala ready to win the presidency with a Bad Ass Bitch banner? Or should we leave that to Trump?
