Imagine… last week David Pecker, the Chief Executive of The National Enquirer, announced he was stepping down and out “effective immediately.” For 20 years, Pecker ruled Scandal Journalism and recently got mixed up himself in “catch and kill” tactics burying damaging stories about President Trump. Now parent company American Media is left with US Weekly and The Star and rumor has it National Enquirer may disappear altogether. The parent company is changing its name to Accelerate 360 and in addition to scandal mags, it will produce health bars and various hand sanitizers. Nothing like distributing scum and disinfectants at one counter.
It’s a sign of our times that the last word on trash tabloid journalism goes down as the New York Times and Washington Post rise in the same arena. After all, the WP just published the Maryanne Trump Barry tapes saying her brother “had no principles” and “you can’t trust him” and a whole lot more; “the changing of stories, the lack of preparation, the lying, Holy Shit.” Holy Shit indeed!
But news cycles are short and who can remember who says what about anyone anymore (we are already bored and immune from the Hollywood Studio heads getting slammed weekly with the same sex accusations — talk about #MeToo! being old news).
Then we have the Sunday New York Times and gynecologist Jen Gunter praising hip hop icon Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s recent controversial sex anthem call WAP (Wet Ass Pussy) as an “homage to female sexuality and vaginal lubrication.” Dr. Gunter heralds Cardi B as “empowering us all to address the problem of vaginas being wet, dry, dirty, or just plain ‘vagina gone bad.’”
I thought Dr. Gunter was kidding. She wasn’t. Who knew that “vagina shaming” was such a global problem. But Cardi B is here to save the day. And save the day she did as the day the video dropped, it became the number one pop song on Billboard, and she is expected to receive the MTV “Song of the Summer” award. The video broke all viewing records. In case you missed it …
Last week Cardi B appeared with “Joey B” (Biden’s rap name) in his first political pre-taped interview. She flicked her 8-inch nails and Joe looked confused, but asked her what she sees for the nation. She didn’t really answer outside of free Medicare and justice, and he didn’t really respond but who cares? It was THE Zoom chat of the week and high ratings were scored. Cardi is the current pop cult goddess making Madonna look like Gertrude Stein. Here are some “highlights.”
After Melania Trump spoke at the Republican Convention, Cardi tweeted that Melania was a notorious WAP model (in case the world didn’t know).
It is clear that Cardi B has moved feminism into a whole new level of “aural” porn. So, where does that put Michelle Obama’s cultural stance of “We go high, They go low??” Isn’t everything now “the lowest of the low?” In fact, we might be in a bottomless pit of “lower than low.” Perhaps, “Low is the new High.”
Cardi B has her popular message of sexuality, equality, fashion and justice and some see it as excessively coarse and extreme. But that clearly is where we are headed with everything nowadays — being “mega” “ultra” XXL-XXXL. Cardi has introduced 5XL feminism and you can take it or leave it. Personally, I needed closed caption just to understand it.
But never mind pop culture – let’s talk about how everything in the internet is descending into PORN! Whether it actually is porn or not. After all, porn put the internet on the map with its constant availability, shallow content, and addiction to the “click.” You can look at politics as porn, sports as porn, gaming as porn. Everything but schooling, please!
Look at the week we just had — forget COVID — we are in the throes of some kind of biblical series of plagues. The whole American West is on fire and being battered by dust storms. The south is overwhelmed in hurricanes. This summer the desert had a bout of ants and giant mosquitos not to mention the arrival of the murder hornets AND an unprecedented heat wave (Bill Gates has alerted us of the global warming reasons and even says COVID is a part of that problem). This morning I saw my street lined with a dozen dead and bloated toads. What plague is that?
Speaking of toads… last week we had the “misuse of funds” arrest of Steve Bannon (many have forgotten specifics, but knew he had a creepy Trump connection of some sort) appearing in court outdoing Harvey Weinstein in the Shrek look-alike contest. Porn may rule but apparently so do political “dirt bags” like Michael Cohen, Michael Avenatti and Roger Stone (who at least wears a suit and a hat).
Then we have the scandalous Family Wars. Trump’s own family may lead that division. But Senior White House Advisor Kellyanne Conway and her husband George (anti-Trump honcho) announced they are leaving the public arena and their 15 year-old daughter is asking for “legal emancipation” from her parents (I would like to get “legal emancipation” from the entire world at the moment). They need to stay home like the rest of us and deal with school for their four children and themselves. They issued a statement that they are taking a “twitter hiatus.” Is that possible for them or anyone nowadays?
A day after the Conway event, we had the “pool boy” Giancarlo Granda admitting he had a sexual relationship with Christian Conservative leader and head of Liberty University Jerry Falwell Jr. and his wife Becki while Falwell looked on (where is David Pecker when you need him?). But why do I have to know this, and it was the lead story on every newscast. Who is watching newscasts anymore when you have TMZ as the lead in nightly programs? Do you think the end of these notorious family scandals will be that they all get their own Bravo TV reality series?
Perhaps without our normal diversion of sports, theatre, movies and parks we are left with these daily dregs of gossip as news. Friends in the publishing business say that the scandal books hit high on the list and drop off in a month. People get sick of the tawdry “white noise” and lose interest in the constant barrage of rage, high immorality and vaginal blues. Remember when gossip was well written, juicy and revealing? Now it is The Norm … as in Porn!!
Recently I bought the greatest device — no, NOT a vibrator or any hand-held high-tech gadget! — a room air purifier. It has changed my life. I no longer smell the ever-present fire smoke and I live in the lightness of Ionized air. I never breathed or slept better. My air purifier is now my primary relationship. No wonder — just look at the world around me. It makes me think maybe Trump was onto something 4 months ago. Clearly the world needs a swig of Clorox.
